Roommate, My Roommate
by Valtiatar
Summary: Sesshomaru and Naraku are roommates. The combination might not be the best one in such a small space. Series of oneshots starting from here. Not yaoi, just pure randomness.
1. Whose Turn Is It

Whose Turn Is It?

_Morning_

"What the fuck is taking you so long?" Naraku shouted to the bathroom door, pissed as hell.

"Quiet down. You'll make the neighbors complain. Again." Sesshoumaru's cool voice came behind the door. He didn't seem to be in a hurry.

"I wouldn't have to yell if you'd hurry up and stop admiring yourself in the mirror!"

"That habit is something that you practice. I don't have to smooth my ego by doing something that ridiculous."

Naraku was ready to break the door down. Every day was the same! Just because Naraku liked to sleep late and Sesshoumaru was an early bird did not mean he could take the bathroom all to himself for hours! He wasn't the only one with a long hair to dry, god damn it!

The door opened and a smug looking Sesshoumaru stepped out of the steamy room. "It's all yours, my friend." The smirk on his face made Naraku want to punch him.

"Got your hair styled finally?" he asked with bitterness, trying to stab him with words instead of taking out a kitchen knife. He wasn't very good at it, though, and he knew it.

"I don't need to do such a thing", Sesshoumaru answered and flipped his long hair behind his shoulder. "You on the other hand probably should." He eyed Naraku's messy long hair and chuckled.

"Asshole", Naraku grumbled and ran into the shower. He was going to be late because of his bastard roommate. He washed quickly and when he got out of the shower he heard Sesshoumaru leave and close the door behind him.

Great. He was _so_ going to be late.

Naraku didn't have enough time to dry his hair properly, so he just pulled it into a lazy ponytail. He ran out of the bathroom and was about to leave, just to realize that he still didn't have any clothes on. With a lot of cursing he pulled on a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt. He found his shoes from the living room and jacket from the kitchen. Sesshoumaru always complained how he left his clothes all over the place.

Just when he was about to leave the kitchen he saw a cup of coffee on the kitchen counter. There was a note next to it. It said: "Here you go, lazy ass." Naraku almost felt like smiling.

He took the cup from the counter and gulped down the coffee. His face twitched. "Ugh! It's bloody cold!"

--

--

_Afternoon_

Naraku sighed. For a person who loved to see the apartment clean and tidy, Sesshoumaru sure could make a mess. Kitchen was simply a place where he should not step into. In there the usually capable guy was completely useless.

In a way it was amazing. You'd think that a person who can handle even the most difficult chemical formulas could also handle recipes made for cooking. But apparently that was impossible for Sesshoumaru.

Just like now, the only thing he had managed to do was a mess with a little more mess and lots of charcoal.

"Uh, Sesshoumaru…" Naraku started but drifted off.

"What is it?" his roommate asked, face serious as if he didn't see the chaos around him.

"I know it's technically your turn to make lunch, but didn't I say that you _really _don't have to…"

"I want to do my part as we agreed", Sesshoumaru explained, very seriously and earnestly.

"Yeah, but you're not really doing it, are you? Can't you just leave this to me? You always end up making more work instead of something edible."

"I don't think it's quite _that_ bad…" Sesshoumaru eyed his creation. It was black and…black. What it had been, no one could tell anymore.

"Would you eat that?" Naraku asked skeptically and smirked.

"…"

"That's what I thought. Now clean up this mess and I'll fix us something, all right? Cleaning is something you're actually good at."

Sesshoumaru didn't look too happy. "Fine, fine! You cook. But I honestly think I'm getting the hang of it."

Naraku rolled his eyes. He had heard that many times before and every time it ended up like this. Sesshoumaru's problem wasn't really with the difficulty of the task. He simply didn't concentrate. Last time all had gone well until Sesshoumaru saw an interesting article in the morning paper, so he had forgotten he had something to do and read the article instead. Naraku had woken up to the smell of something burning. In the end they had had nicely cooked charcoal as breakfast.

Sighing, Naraku opened the cabinet next to the oven and tried to look for his favorite pan so he could fry some meat and vegetables. But unfortunately his beloved expensive pan (made for professional use) was not there. That could not be a good thing.

"Sesshoumaru?" Naraku looked behind his shoulder at his roommate, fearing that the worse had happened.

"What is it?" Sesshoumaru asked absentmindedly while stuffing things to the garbage bag.

"Did you happen to see my pan while you tried to cook?"

"Yeah, it's right here", Sesshoumaru said and handed him the pan. Or more like what used to be a pan. Now it was oddly twisted and it had a thick black layer of some unknown substance on it.

Naraku almost cried. "It…it…it…it's totally…completely… RUINED!"

Sesshoumaru cocked his head. "What do you mean? It looks perfectly usable to me."

It was the second time that day that Naraku felt the urge to kill someone.

"Sesshoumaru", Naraku started his voice shaking. "Never ever cook again. I don't care whose turn it is."

--

--

_Evening_

It was Naraku's turn to choose the music. Sesshoumaru deeply regretted making this arrangement. His roommates taste in music was, to put it kindly, worse than shitty.

A terrible roar came out from the stereos. It made Sesshoumaru's ears ache and he was unable to concentrate on the paper he was supposed to write for the next chemistry lecture. Naraku liked to play music so loud it made the walls tremble.

It had been one of their many deals, Naraku could play his music three times a week, four times now that Sesshoumaru was not allowed to cook (more like try to cook) anymore, and Sesshoumaru wouldn't complain about it. It was really hard not to.

On the evenings when it was Sesshoumaru's turn to choose the music it was mostly quiet in the house. He preferred it that way, though Naraku always complained about that. Naraku thought that the silence was uncomfortable and apparently they had not made any deal that told Naraku to stop complaining. Sesshoumaru was seriously considering of making a whole new contract with Naraku, from start to finish. That man was starting to be a worse nag than any woman he had ever met.

But then again, who was he to judge…

"Naraku!" Sesshoumaru shouted over the terrible noise.

"What is it pretty boy?" Naraku shouted back. He came out of the bedroom dancing some very stupid looking dance.

"Can you please turn the music a bit lower? I'm unable to concentrate."

Naraku came dancing towards him and smirked. "My dear Sesshoumaru, you are always unable to concentrate, even though you look like that."

"Look like what?" Sesshoumaru asked. His voice was as cold as ice.

"Like a serious pretty boy made of stone", Naraku said and smirked as he dodged a notebook that came flying towards him. "Watch it!" he laughed.

"Just turn the music down!" Sesshoumaru snapped.

--

--

_Night_

Their sleep patterns were, just like almost everything else as well, completely different. Sesshoumaru liked to go to sleep early and wake up equally early, unlike Naraku who slept whenever he felt like it. Naraku was also the type of person who detested the idea of waking up early.

Naturally, this caused various problems between them.

Usually Sesshoumaru got angry at Naraku for making too much noise while he tried to sleep. Naraku on the other hand thought that Sesshoumaru was trying to deliberately destroy his healthy (well, semi healthy) college life with such old man behavior. Sesshoumaru couldn't care less.

Some nights it was the other way round, though. Sesshoumaru was a workaholic, no way around it, so he often pulled all-nighters. Naraku said he couldn't sleep when someone was working, apparently it made him feel lazy. So, because he was unable to sleep, he didn't have any other choice but to get up, too. Instead of a sleeping, he read the books that still needed to be read (he studied English).

When they both worked the night through, all went rather smoothly. However, when the morning came it was even worse than usually. Staying up all night long didn't seem to affect Sesshoumaru in any way but Naraku was like a pissed off black widow.

At those times the competition about the ruler of the bathroom was even more fierce than normally. Especially so because Sesshoumaru sadistically enjoyed teasing Naraku while he was sleep deprived.

Actually, there would have been a very simple solution to their little morning problem. Sesshoumaru didn't suggest it because teasing Naraku like this was a great source of amusement to him and Naraku simply, for some reason, hadn't come up with it himself. Perhaps he was too stubborn.

To put it bluntly, Naraku could have simply taken his showers in the evening and not wait until the morning. After all, he had the bathroom all to himself for hours when Sesshoumaru was asleep and he was not.

However, the thought simply refused to enter into Naraku's brain, so the fight continued to the unseen future (which was very unfortunate for their neighbors).

--

--

_Yeah. Total utter CRAAAP. But it's okay. In a way, the idea of these two living in the same apartment is quite hilarious... I still have a fever and I'm coughing my lungs out so I was trying to cheer myself up with this. I have (unfotunately) more ideas in mind so this is most likely going to be another collection of oneshots. That is, if someone liked this. Let me know. I need some sleep now..._

_~Val  
_


	2. Ladies and Carpets

Ladies and Carpets

_Evening, sometime during the winter:_

"Naraku."

"…"

"Naraku!"

"…"

"NARAKU! Wake up you drunken fool!"

"Hmm. Yeah, babe. You can do it – Ouch!"

"It's me you incoherent drunkard!" Sesshoumaru growled holding out his fist.

Naraku yawned magnificently and rubbed his head. Sesshoumaru hit hard. "Wha' is it?" he managed to mumble.

"There is a woman on my bed", Sesshoumaru announced.

"Well, good for you."

Sesshoumaru's eyes flashed dangerously. "She's not mine!"

"Then wha' is she doin' in yer bed?"

"That's what I'm asking you!"

Naraku tried very hard to clear his head. Finally the right thought entered. "Can't be mine, dearest. Mine are right here", he said smugly and pulled two passed out women next to him closer.

"I can see that", Sesshoumaru's icy voice stated. "And I can also see quite a lot of other things as well. Things I'd rather not see."

Naraku's alcohol filled mind finally cleared a bit. "Ups", he laughed when he looked down. He quickly pulled a pillow to cover his…places… Then he turned to look at his roommate who stood inhumanly still looking extremely pissed off. Naraku couldn't understand why.

"Naraku. The woman in my bed."

"Yeah? What about her?"

"_Do_ something about it!"

"Just move her here. Or better yet, have a little fun yourself", Naraku shrugged

"I'm this close to killing you", Sesshoumaru said and showed a small space between his fingers.

"You really should loosen up a little every once in a while, mate", the drunk chuckled, his eyes gleaming mischievously.

"You do it enough for the both of us", came the toxic answer. "And you make a huge mess at the same time. Have you any idea how hard it is to clean that carpet? Did you smoke in here?"

Naraku pouted. "Okay mom, would you stop nagging?"

"I wouldn't have to if only you'd start acting responsibly! Besides, I live here too. I don't want to come home exhausted and find a strange wench lying on my bed in a weird position!"

Naraku pulled his fingers through his hair deep in thought. "Wait, wait…It's coming to me…the reason why she's in your bed…"

"Think harder", Sesshoumaru spat through clenched teeth.

"Lemme see her", Naraku muttered and got up from the sofa. It was not easily done because there were two women quite literally all around him. It took a while before he managed to untangle himself from them. Sesshoumaru looked like his famous patience was running thin.

"Okay. I'm up! If only the floor would stay still. Did we have an earthquake or something?"

"No."

"Did you cut your hair?"

"No."

"You do look lovely by the way."

"…"

"If you'd just use some other colors than black and white all the time. Purple would be great. Or at least blue…"

"I'll kill you."

Naraku took a step back from the clenched fists. "Okay, fine. No conversation. I'll just go to your bedroom them – I mean _then_. It's '_n'_ . That's a bloody hard letter…"

Sesshoumaru followed closely behind as Naraku stumbled to his bedroom. "Yup yup. There's a woman. And not a bad one."

"That is not the point, and don't be so rude."

"Oh!"

"What?"

"I remember why she's there!"

"… Would you mind sharing that information?"

"She's for you!"

Sesshoumaru's left eye twitched. "Excuse me?"

"Happy birthday!!" Naraku shouted too loudly and threw his hands in the air. His smile was idiotically wide.

Sesshoumaru took a few very deep breaths. "Naraku, you're still naked so please cover yourself, but more importantly, WHAT THE HELL??"

Naraku gave him puppy dog eyes. "You don't like?"

"First of all, my birthday was two months ago, and second of all, what the hell?"

"Aw, come on my dearest", Naraku tried to explain, "I totally forgot your birthday the last time, right? Now you can have it again! My treat! Enjoy your hour!"

"I will not – uh, wait… Your treat? Hour?"

"Well yeah. I heard she's good. You're welcome!" Naraku flashed a wide grin.

"She's a…a hooker?"

Naraku nodded vigorously, which wasn't a very good idea in his state. He had to steady himself before answering properly. "She is a very good one to boot. Now, enjoy your present!"

The veins on Sesshoumaru's forehead were about to burst. "I'm _really_ going to kill you now!"

--

--

_Few days later:_

"Sesshoumaru, did you touch the kitchen?" Naraku asked worriedly when he rushed through the door. His professor had kept him at the university longer than necessary.

"I didn't, so stop fidgeting. I bought takeout. There's some left for you."

Naraku sighed relieved. He had been afraid that Sesshoumaru would try to make something again. Last time he had made an explosion, even though he had promised to stay out of the kitchen. "Oh good."

Sesshoumaru didn't look too happy. "I haven't even gotten any coffee. Did you have lock the machine away?"

"Yes. I'd like to see it in one piece again."

"I know how to make coffee!"

"Isn't it you who always says that one can't be too careful?" Naraku chuckled and took off his coat. He went to the kitchen, put the coffee on_, _took some food and went to the living room where Sesshoumaru was reading.

"What took you so long today? You're usually home before I am", Sesshoumaru asked without looking up from his papers.

"Professor Grant went on and on about something. I didn't really listen but it took a very long time."

"It amazes me how you can be the top of your class with an attitude like that…"

"Heh. I amaze a lot of people", Naraku smirked smugly.

They were quiet for a while. The one good thing about them living together was that neither of them felt the urge to fill the silent moments with useless blabbering. Their silences were comfortable.

It was Sesshoumaru who broke the moment. "Oh yes, I almost forgot. I have a present for you."

"What?" Naraku looked sincerely shocked and suspicious (to put it mildly). "What for?"

"It's valentine's day, is it not?" Sesshoumaru said with fake innocence. Then it was his turn to smirk evilly. He pulled out a present that was wrapped with pink paper that had red hearts printed all over it.

Naraku looked at him his eyes wide and mouth hanging open. He took the present from Sesshoumaru with a considerable amount of suspicion. He turned it over in his hand trying to figure out what might be inside. "It's not going to explode, is it?"

Sesshoumaru cracked a smile. "No."

Very slowly Naraku began to open the present. It was a very neat parcel, with lots of tape. Finally he got it open and what was inside made him blink several times. It was a bottle of carpet cleaner. With a ribbon.

"What is this?"

Sesshoumaru's smirk was incredibly wide. "That should be able to remove the wine stains. Enjoy your time with the carpet, dearest."

--

--

_Oh my... That was pointless... I hope you laughed at least once, though. For your infirmation, I still have lots of even stupider ideas in mind so there is more coming. There must be something wrong with my head. Leave a few reviews if you don't mind, please. Thanks for reading!  
_

_~Val  
_


	3. The Holy Kitchen

_Okay, this chapter is for **LordOfTheWest**, for being such a loyal reviewer and actually managing to make me feel confused (not easily done). Seriously, sweetie, could you give a review with any more impact? -.- Have mercy..._

_Love, Val  
_

The Holy Kitchen

_One unfortunate morning:_

"Seriously, Sesshoumaru, this isn't that hard! How can you screw this up?"

"I don't know. It just doesn't work for some reason. I must have forgotten something…"

"It's a bloody toaster! You put the bread in, press the switch and wait! I repeat: _how _can you screw this up?"

"Well, you see, I thought I should make sure that the toasts were properly in there so I took that knife and I – "

"Hooold it right there!" Naraku interrupted waving his hands. "You were going to stuck a knife into a toaster? Are you freaking kidding me? You of all people should know that that's not very healthy! You study science for crying out loud!"

"Yes, well I thought of that, but then it happened that I accidentally dropped that bowl over there and the noise startled me so I dropped the knife. I think there was something wrong with the toaster anyway because they're not supposed to normally blow up like that, even if you drop something into it."

Naraku sighed and rubbed his forehead with his index finger. "No, my dearest. The only thing wrong was that I allowed you to go near it. I even made all the breakfast preparations ready so all you needed to do was to press the fucking switch, but no, you had to BLOW THINGS UP!"

"Calm down Naraku. Surely it's not that bad…" Sesshoumaru said looking a bit embarrassed.

"Oh no. Of course it isn't. Electrified charcoal is just the thing I want to eat first thing in the morning."

Sesshoumaru looked around trying to find something to cheer up Naraku. "The coffee is still good."

"Only because you didn't touch it."

"I can try to make this again…"

Naraku was obviously frightened that he even as much as mentioned the possibility. "_You_ won't touch a thing, got it? I'll make something. If we just get this smoke out of here."

"I can help with that. And I'll clean!" Sesshoumaru offered and rushed to open the windows and balcony door.

Naraku shook his head and studied the mess in front of him. It was horrible, absolutely horrible. He admitted that he wasn't exactly the type to be organized and overly clean sort of person, but he did care for hygiene and his kitchen was always clean and in order. He enjoyed cooking and he had the best equipments he could get. No matter how messy his life was, the kitchen was _always_ perfectly in order.

However, his roommate made it insanely difficult for him to keep his kitchen in shape. One by one all his beautiful things were gradually destroyed and turned into chemical elements. He had known Sesshoumaru for a very long time, and yet he still couldn't understand how he could be such a catastrophe in kitchen. Sesshoumaru was so accurate, precise, disciplined and smart but there was something in the kitchen-zone that totally messed his brain and made him useless.

Just like now. It was plain ridiculous how much damage he could cause by simply toasting bread.

"Honestly Sesshoumaru. I'm surprised you haven't burned down the house yet", Naraku crumbled and grabbed something that could have been a knife.

"This time it's really not my fault! I was trying to be extra careful and still this happened. I just had bad luck, that's all", Sesshoumaru said but didn't look directly at Naraku. Apparently a bucket needed his undivided attention.

"Sesshoumaru?"

"Yes?" He feared that something worse was coming. Naraku's wrath wasn't over yet.

"This knife you used to do something stupid…?"

"What about it?" Sesshoumaru asked rather nervously and tried to use his eyes to bore a whole to the ground so he could hide in it. This was bad.

"This thing that is now a useless piece of black substance…?"

"Mm-hmm?"

"This wouldn't happen to be one of the knives in that _expensive _set I bought two days ago. One of those I asked you NOT to touch EVER in under ANY circumstances? "

"As a matter of fact I think it might be just the one", Sesshoumaru answered as calmly as he could while trying (very poorly) to look cute.

"I see", Naraku stated lifelessly. "And what about the bowl that you 'accidentally dropped'?"

"What about it?"

"I assume that it is not in one piece anymore."

"No it's not. I lifted the pieces over there. I think we can glue it. Probably."

Naraku didn't turn to look. He was too horrified. "It wouldn't happen to be the bowl that I got from my grandmother?"

"I'm not too sure, but perhaps it's better that you don't look at it. I just take it away with the garbage."

The word 'garbage' made Naraku grimace and shudder. "That's probably the best."

Sesshoumaru fidgeted for a while. Then he tapped Naraku on the shoulder. "You okay?"

"I'm getting there."

"Should I stay out of the kitchen?"

"Please", Naraku said looking desperate, "I beg of you to do so!"

"I try my very best."

Naraku just rubbed his temples. He was very tired all of a sudden.

"Mm, but, Naraku?"

"What now, Sesshoumaru? Anything else broken?" He sounded like he was in pain.

"No, no. Nothing like that. I was just wondering if I can still use the coffee machine?"

Naraku turned to look at him. His eyes were hard and tone even harder. "Sesshoumaru. Just take the garbage out."

--

--

_Sometime later, when bad memories had faded from Naraku's mind (meaning he's careless or stupid):_

"Okay Sesshoumaru, listen up", Naraku shouted from the kitchen, trying to catch his roommate's attention.

"Mm-hmm?"

"The cake is in the oven. I have a lecture I need to go to. Would you please remember to turn off the oven? I set a timer so that it will make a terrible noise when it should be ready."

"Okay. Where do you want me to put it?"

Naraku was seemingly terrified. "_You_won't put it anywhere. Do not touch it. Just turn off the oven. It should be fine. I come back as soon as I can to put everything else ready for the guests."

"Mmh."

"Sesshoumaru? Are you listening? You'd better pay attention!" Naraku shouted and rushed to the living room where Sesshoumaru was going through some papers that apparently had something to do with organic chemistry. Naraku didn't really care, he got easily bored with things like that.

"Yes, yes, I'm listening. What was it?" Sesshoumaru said distractedly and raised his eyes from the papers to look at Naraku who was fuming in the doorway.

"You know your capability to handle this is weak to begin with so would you please even try to concentrate on this! I don't want you to burn down the house. We're not the only ones living here, you know."

Sesshoumaru rolled his eyes. "Don't be so overdramatic. I can handle it. Just make sure the alarm is loud enough and I'll take the cake out of the oven."

"No! You're not allowed to touch it! Just turn the oven off! Didn't you listen at all? And don't worry, that alarm should wake the dead…"

"Okay. Don't worry about it, I'm careful. Just go already. You'll be late, again."

Naraku freaked. "Bloody hell, is that the time? I should be halfway there already!"

He was just about to rush off when Sesshoumaru's voice stopped him. He was highly amused. "I really think you should put a shirt on…"

"Fuck!" Naraku grabbed the closest shirt he got his hands on (it was actually Sesshoumaru's) and began to button it up as hurriedly as possible. Due to his rush he missed two buttons. Sesshoumaru sighed and got up from the sofa to help him.

"Why do you cook half naked in the first place?"

"I sort of forgot I didn't have clothes on…" Naraku muttered looking at anything else but Sesshoumaru, who sighed again.

"Normal persons don't forget things like that. You, on the other hand – "

"Yeah yeah yeah. I got it already, so stop nagging. I'm not that bad. I just sort of…don't pay attention…"

Sesshoumaru's eyes were very serious when he looked him in the eyes. "I know." He finished working with the buttons. "There you go. You should leave now. You're late, remember?"

Naraku blinked. "Oh! Right." He ran out but he had just enough time to shout: "Don't destroy my cake!"

--

--

_Same day, after lecture:_

Naraku almost sighed relieved when he stepped into their apartment. It didn't smell like something had exploded, or even burnt. That must be a good sign. Sesshoumaru might have actually succeeded this time. It was still too early to rejoice, though. Turning the right switch was a very hard task for his white haired roommate.

Apparently Sesshoumaru had heard him coming home. He was there when Naraku came in and he looked very pleased with himself. "Hello! Had a good lecture?"

"You know it's creepy when you act that way."

"What way?"

"Cheery."

Sesshoumaru's eyebrow raised and he smirked rather mockingly. "Sorry about that."

"Hmph. So did you destroy it? I still have time to make another one before your father and brother comes over."

"_Half_ brother", Sesshoumaru corrected automatically. "And I didn't destroy it", he huffed sounding insulted. "It's in the freezer."

Naraku froze. "What?"

"It's in the freezer", Sesshoumaru repeated slowly.

"You _touched_ it?" Naraku was horrified.

Sesshoumaru nodded looking very serious. Well, there was nothing unusual about that but now it made Naraku feel very nervous. "I kind of had to."

"Sesshoumaru, what happened?" Naraku crossed his arms and waited for the answer. His intense stare made Sesshoumaru defensive.

"I seriously didn't mess up! Honestly!" he declared with widened eyes.

Naraku had always thought that he was a little cute when he did that. "Just spill it out."

"Well, the alarm you set was horribly loud. It made me throw all the papers all over the living room. It was a pain to organize them again…"

"Don't try to change the subject."

Deep sigh. "Yes, yes… So I went and turned the oven off after I managed to mute the alarm. You might have to consider buying a new timer, by the way."

"What did you do to it?"

"You see, there were so many buttons and it was really loud so I sort of…" his voice drifted off.

"Yes?" Naraku pressed.

After fidgeting Sesshoumaru finally answered. "I hit it with a frying pan…"

Naraku covered his face with his hands. He should have known. Sesshoumaru was hopeless. Besides, there was only one button in the timer. But that didn't matter now. "Okay, so you destroyed it. But what about the cake?"

Sesshoumaru brightened up again (There wasn't that much of a difference, but Naraku could tell) "I fixed it!"

It took a minute for Naraku to recover. "What?" he asked again with a weak voice. Sesshoumaru didn't seem to notice the change.

"When I turned off the oven I thought that while I was at it, I should check what the cake looked like. You probably accidentally set the alarm wrong because the cake was really, really dark. I thought that I could help you, so I tried to figure out how to fix it."

Something was pressing Naraku's chest. He could barely get the words out of his mouth. "Sesshoumaru. You will tell me this instant what you did to my poor cake."

"I figured that if I make some sort of light colored frosting on it, no one would notice it was burned. So, I looked into our freezer to find something suitable and then I made the frosting." He was obviously smug about it.

Naraku tried to calm himself. Perhaps Sesshoumaru really had managed to accidentally make something edible. No matter what, the cake wouldn't have needed any frosting at all because there was no way he would have set the timer wrong. Of course it was impossible for Sesshoumaru to know that. He couldn't recognize one cake from the other. Anyway, Naraku remembered that he actually had some stuff in the freezer that was suitable to cover a cake, like cream and actual frosting (though that was a clumb of sugar so Sesshoumaru probably didn't know what it was).

"Uh, Sesshoumaru, you know, the cake was a chocolate one, so it's naturally very dark. You didn't need to make a frosting."

Sesshoumaru's smug look faded. "Oh." He sounded disappointed.

"But it's okay. Cream and chocolate match quite well, so no worries", Naraku assured as he headed towards the kitchen.

Sesshoumaru frowned and followed Naraku, who now stood frozen in front of opened freezer. "Oh yeah, I could have used cream. That would have made sense", Sesshoumaru mused.

Naraku turned to look at him again. He was about to cry. "Sesshoumaru, what exactly did you use to do that?"

"Cheese", came the immediate reply.

"_Why?_" Naraku cried out horrified. The cake was most definitely ruined. It was brownish yellow and lumpy and it smelled like old socks. The whole freezer smelled like it, actually.

"I was just thinking that it should be something that can cover the surface. Then I realized that cheese melts and is able to cover the darkness of the cake so I put slices of cheese on top of it and put it in the oven again. It looks pretty good, don't you think?"

Naraku wasn't sure what to say, so he quite simply threw the very confused Sesshoumaru out of the kitchen and began the process of making a new cake. It was pointless trying to explain to Sesshoumaru why cheese wasn't the best option when it came to cake frostings. He was a man without taste buds.

--

--

_I have a confession to make. I started to make these drabbles simply to cheer myself up after getting sick and dumped(?). However, this became a sort of inside joke between me and my best friend. We've been talking about living together, and to be honest, it would be much like this. That's why Naraku and Sesshoumaru are so strange in this story. My BF (a truly wonderful person who is the only one capable of putting up with me) is a disaster in kitchen. She actually did cover...uh...something, I seriously don't know what it was, with thick slices of cheddar. It wasn't good. She doesn't exactly blow things up but she does burn things a lot. There are usually flames and everything... (She says she knows how to use a toaster but I'm not too sure it's true) She's also a neatfreak. Totally obsessed with cleaning and can't stand my "filing system" (=everything in piles) Also, my endless piles and rows of books make her faint because they are dust magnets._

_I, on the other hand, tend to forget things. She's always nagging me how I forget to dress, eat, go to meetings and other such things. Apparently I live inside my head too much. I also get bored VERY easily and I can start talking about something else in the middle of a sentence. I have a high IQ but sience is not for me, too simple. She doesn't understand how I can see it like that. Also, she thinks I drink too much (which is true...) and I shouldn't smoke (true again) and my, how should I put this, _social life_, is a mess (yes, true, but way too fun). I'm also mischivious, like to cause trouble and I'm sadistic and my mouth and mind are filthier than a dump._

_So yeah, there you go. There really are people like the ones I write about... Amazing, huh?_

_~Val  
_


	4. A Change of Season

_A/N: This chapter might be a bit hard to understand if you live in an area where sun is your constant companion, like California or somewhere like that. Personally I really love seasons and I'm incredibly happy we have four of them here in Finland. It's so beautiful. At winters we barely see the sun at all, it's really dark all the time (and cold), but at summers it's never dark, even the nights are bright (and warm). And Autumns are really pretty 'cause we have helluva lot of trees around here. The whole bloody country is one big bush... And we have lots of snow during winters so springs are very very wet when it all melts. This is something you ought know so the next text would make at least some sense to you. Okay, sorry about this rant, go on and read the real thing..._

A Change of Season

_Summer_

"I will _not_ wear these!" Sesshoumaru shouted and threw a piece of blue clothing at Naraku, who was smirking uncontrollably.

"Why not?" he whined and danced out of the way when Sesshoumaru began to throw other things as well.

"Because they're ridiculous! And you know it! Why the hell did you give them to me in the first place?" Sesshoumaru looked slightly flushed and his breathing was heavy. His perfectly straight hair was not quite so straight anymore.

Naraku chuckled as he examined his roommate from head to toe. "You'd look so cute", he said as innocently as he possibly could.

Sesshoumaru didn't appreciate his honesty. He answered to it with a loud growl – the sound he let out could only be that. He threw his hands in the air and marched to the balcony mumbling to himself. Naraku followed him, jumping up and down excitedly. "Oh, come on, my dearest! You absolutely _have to_! I won't take 'no' for an answer and you know it."

Sesshoumaru groaned. He leaned to the balcony's balustrade feeling exhausted. "Would you please stop that? I can't handle you when you get like this…"

Naraku nodded looking smug without any apparent reason. "I know."

Sesshoumaru's shoulders slumped. It was no use trying to reason with Naraku when he was like that. One could just as well try to teach nuclear physics to a mental. Absolutely no point. "Why do you want to go there anyways?" he tried to distract Naraku.

Naraku rolled his eyes and shook his head theatrically. "You're hopeless. If you haven't noticed, it's summer. Sun shining, warm sea water and even warmer weather equals _the beach_! How can you not want to go?"

"Because it's warm, sunny and the sea is wet" Sesshoumaru stated. "And may I remind you, you don't like those things any more than I do, so I really can't understand why you insist on going. Is this one of those 'just because'-moments of yours?"

Naraku scratched his head and then combed his fingers through the thick black hair. "Well yeah, sort of. I don't like cold water, sure, but the sea is warm now so there shouldn't be a problem with that. Also, today is somewhat cloudy so it's not going to be all sun. Honestly Sesshoumaru, I just think it would be good to get out of the house every once in a while. Especially you should. You've been working nonstop for the past two months."

Sesshoumaru looked more than skeptical when he eyed Naraku. "Are you trying to be nice or something? It's freaky when you're trying to be considerate."

"Aw, you're making me blush!" Naraku said both hands on his cheeks.

Sesshoumaru rolled his eyes again. He shouldn't have let Naraku drink that second cup of coffee. Caffeine had a strange effect on Naraku. He drank tea almost nonstop but coffee was something he really shouldn't drink. Naraku was difficult to handle to begin with, but when he was high on caffeine, he was just plain intolerable.

"I don't want to go to the beach."

Naraku pouted. "You're so not fun…"

"If you want to go so much, go by yourself."

"That's not the same thing!" Naraku whined. He took his pack of cigarettes and light one. He took a deep breath from the cigarette before he continued. "You simply have to be there with me."

"Why?" Sesshoumaru asked through gritted teeth, eyeing Naraku's cigarette slightly disgusted.

Naraku wasn't exactly the type to beat around the bush – unless it amused him at the moment – so he got straight to the point. "Because _you_ my dearest", Naraku pointed Sesshoumaru with his cigarette, "are a babe magnet."

"Excuse me?" Sesshoumaru's voice was ice cold.

"Women are drawn to you like ants to sugar. It's amusing to watch you squirm away from them."

"You're horrible!"

"Yeah, I know", he said and blew out some smoke. "But I'm sure you're going to have fun too. I promise to do something weird to make you feel better", he continued and winked.

Sesshoumaru shook his head. He wasn't sure what to think. It wasn't like he wasn't already used to this side of Naraku, but he still didn't know what was the best way to handle it.

Unfortunately Naraku wasn't finished yet. "Besides, I'm sure those Speedos would look good on you", he chuckled and took another draft.

Sesshoumaru's eyes flashed. They were back at the beginning point. "How many times do I have to tell you: I. Am. Not. Going. To. Wear. Those."

"Okay, okay, I give up. So if I drop the Speedo-thing, you'll come to the beach with me?"

"You've got to be kidding me."

"Not at all. I really, really want you to come. Of course it's your choice, but there might be some rumors about you and Speedos going around the campus by tomorrow, if you get my drift." Naraku flashed a brilliant smile before raising the cigarette on his lips.

"You wouldn't!" Sesshoumaru's eyes went wide with horror.

"Oh, you know I would", Naraku said as-a-matter-of-factly and smirked.

Sesshoumaru just glared for a while. "Fine. I'll go to the fucking beach. But I won't touch the water and you'll have to let go of this stupid talk about Speedos. And I want them out of the house."

Naraku brightened up. "Sure thing! I wouldn't have let you go near the water anyways. Last time you nearly drowned. Really gave me a shock that one."

Sesshoumaru looked away ashamed. "It's not my fault I can't swim…"

"Yeah, it kinda is."

"Anyway, when did you want to leave?" Sesshoumaru said quickly before Naraku would begin to recall other embarrassing incidents that involved Sesshoumaru and beaches.

Naraku smiled amused. It was getting easier to manipulate Sesshoumaru. "Now", he chirped and put out the cigarette. "It's a bit shame though… It would have been nice to see you in those Speedos…"

The glare Sesshoumaru gave him was not a nice one, and neither was the punch that followed.

--

--

_Fall_

"It's already fall…" Naraku sighed as he looked out of the window.

"Yeah, so?"

"Nothing really. Just thought you should know."

"I know it's fall, you don't have to spell it out", Sesshoumaru said calmly. He was watching some random movie he had picked from the shelf. That was his way to relax.

"I know that you know it", Naraku said impatiently. "It's just so beautiful outside. All the colors and the fresh smell in the air when the weather gets colder… You always miss those things."

Sesshoumaru frowned. He put the movie on pause and turned his full attention to Naraku. "Okay, what's up?"

"Nothing really…"

Sesshoumaru took a better position on the couch and waited. Finally Naraku continued. "It just makes me feel a bit…blue, I guess."

"Because it's fall or because I don't notice it?" Sesshoumaru questioned. There was a hint of a smile playing on his lips.

"Not too sure."

"You know, Naraku, for a person who studies literature, you sure don't know how to express yourself properly."

"Like you should talk", Naraku huffed.

"I'm a scientist, we're allowed to be emotionally cold."

"I'm not emotionally cold!" Naraku protested and turned away from the window to face Sesshoumaru, who was now smiling.

"I know. You're just difficult."

"Hmm, can't argue with that…" Naraku muttered and turned around again, accompanied with a heavy sigh.

Sesshoumaru almost felt like sighing as well. Naraku was right, in a way. Sesshoumaru didn't really pay attention to the changes in nature when the seasons changed, he only needed to observe Naraku and he knew what time of the year it was. Naraku paid attention to seasons a bit more than was probably healthy. Especially this time of the year was troublesome.

It was the same every year. Fall was Naraku's favorite season – when it started – but this particular time of the year also made him incredibly moody. It didn't really help the situation that he was already moody in the first place. Fall made his moods swing from side to side in pace that no one else was able to keep up with. Sesshoumaru had learned to handle it but even he didn't know how to predict the sudden changes.

Like the other day Sesshoumaru had come home and he had found Naraku making mulled wine (1). He had explained that he suddenly felt very 'Christmassy'. He had also light some candles, there were decorations around the house and Naraku was constantly humming carols. On that day there had been dark and rainy outside.

The next day had been completely the opposite. The weather had been very nice and unexpectedly warm, and Naraku wanted to go to the park, have a picnic and admire the red, orange and yellowy green leaves. However, before he managed to go outside to enjoy the day, it had begun to rain again. That hadn't disturbed Naraku, he wanted to go and jump from one puddle to another. Sesshoumaru didn't bother to stop him. He was always so childishly exited when he got these ideas.

But then there were days like these, when Naraku almost shut down completely. He sat in front of the window for hours smoking and mumbling something intangible. This was the only time Sesshoumaru allowed him to smoke inside. Sesshoumaru wasn't quite sure what his strange roommate was thinking at times like these, he never really said anything to him. Sometimes it only took a few hours, sometimes the whole day (and night) before he snapped out of it, but when he did, he had some new idea he wanted to try out or he'd go straight to his laptop and type like a madman for hours and hours. Sesshoumaru never asked, and he was sure Naraku appreciated it.

Sometimes though, Sesshoumaru did get a feeling that he should one way or the other interrupt Naraku's silent moments. Like now. He wasn't quite sure how he knew it, he just did. Perhaps it was the lines between Naraku's brows that warned him. His thoughts were going to a dangerous direction. If he were to do nothing, Naraku would fall into depression for weeks.

"Listen, Naraku, I was thinking…"

"Hmm?"

"It is quite cold and dark outside. Would you mind making some more of that muddled wine? It was good."

Naraku blinked a few times. "Sorry, what?"

It took a little effort from Sesshoumaru not to let his eyes roll. "Could you make more of that spicy wine thing and come watch this movie with me?"

Naraku flashed a smile. "Sure!" he chirped and almost ran to the kitchen.

Sesshoumaru blinked. That was weird. It wasn't usually this easy…

After a while Naraku came back humming and holding two cups of hot, nice smelling drinks.

Sesshoumaru decided it was time to make an exception. He simply had to ask what was going on. "What were you thinking this time?"

Naraku looked at him over his cup, his eyes bright with hidden excitement. "Oh, I was thinking about you, actually."

"Uh, why?"

"No reason", Naraku said and shrugged. He put the cup down and took out his cigarettes from his pocket, but Sesshoumaru snatched them out of his hand.

"No smoking", he stated. "You're acting weird again."

"No more than usual."

"I'm glad that you're aware of your own faults but it would put my mind at ease if you were to tell me how exactly I'm involved in your ponderings?"

Naraku smiled rather wickedly. "Sure you wanna know?"

"Yes. If it involves me."

"Okay then. You see how hard it rains out there?"

"Yes, of course", Sesshoumaru said a bit uncertain. He knew Naraku had a point in all this but usually when he made an opening like this, it meant that nothing good would come of it.

"So it's wet, right?"

"Yes…"

"Like wet enough for a swim."

"What are you getting at?"

"Rain…wet…water…swimming…Speedos…" Naraku listed. His face was very serious.

Sesshoumaru was quiet for a while. When he spoke again, his voice was light but it did have a certain edge. "Naraku, remind me that I never worry about you again."

"Sure thing", Naraku chuckled, obviously pleased with himself, though no one can probably ever find out why.

--

--

_Winter_

"Sesshoumaru, Sesshooooumaruuuu!!" Naraku barked into their apartment shouting as loud as he could.

"Shut up. The neighbors are going to complain again."

"It's not my fault we have so petty neighbors."

"No, but you can keep quiet. Why were you screaming anyway?"

"Oh right", Naraku's expression was that of pure ecstasy, "It's snowing!!"

"And…?"

"What do you mean 'and…?'", Naraku asked mimicking Sesshoumaru. "It's _snowing_", he said again like that would explain everything.

"What does that got to do with me?" Sesshoumaru asked and went back to his notes.

Naraku sighed. "You're really hopeless. It's the first time … uh …never mind then…" Naraku decided that it was no use obsessing over the snow when the other party was obviously not interested, or even listening. However, to him it was unforgivable to be so cold towards the beautiful snowflakes that were falling from the sky. Sesshoumaru was so not going to get away with it.

"I can't believe how you can read your notes every day after classes. Isn't it exhausting?" Naraku said and slumped to the sofa next to Sesshoumaru, who frowned at his tone.

"Why would we take notes if we don't plan to use them?"

"I do it to pass time. I never read mine afterwards."

Sesshoumaru looked up from his papers and stared at Naraku. "You're unbelievable."

"Well, yeah, I know", Naraku shrugged and then flashed a brilliant smirk.

Sesshoumaru slapped the book in his lap shut. "You seriously don't read your notes after lectures? How the hell do you pass the exams?"

"Well, first of all, I don't read my notes simply 'cause I can't read my own handwriting, and second of all, I'm studying English literature. How hard can that be?"

"Pretty hard, or so I've heard."

Naraku just huffed and waved his hand dismissively. Then he suddenly went serious. "I have a new interest, by the way."

"Oh?" Sesshoumaru's tone was near toxic. "What might that be?"

"Religion."

"You can't be serious."

"Of course I am. Very much so."

"You don't have the time to study it!"

"Yes I have. I'm not doing anything worthwhile half of the time I'm awake. Unlike you, you're totally into that", Naraku said and tapped Sesshoumaru's book with his fingertips.

"Okay, so you have time. But why the hell does it have to be religion? You're not religious at all!"

"So?"

Sesshoumaru sighed. This was one of those moments that could only make him feel tired. Naraku had a new interest and there was no way he would leave it until his thirst for knowledge was satisfied. Last time his interest had been 'history's most evil men and women', as he put it. Their home had been full of different types of texts that told about how some king somewhere liked to stick poles into people and lift them hanging on the walls. Or even better, queens who liked to drink blood from their maids – virgin maids to be exact. Charming, simply charming. The worst thing was, though, that when Naraku was into something, he wouldn't stop talking about it. Sesshoumaru didn't really want to hear about the best ways to torture people. Naraku had seemed to enjoy it a bit _too_ much….

"What part of religion you are interested in, exactly…?"

"Martyr deaths", was the immediate reply. "Now that it's winter I have plenty of time to study, and it's nice to spend time indoors with books."

Sesshoumaru groaned. The torture was about to begin. Martyr deaths… Great.

--

--

_Spring_

"I don't like springs", Naraku whined from the balcony. He had been chased there out of the way when Sesshoumaru was cleaning. He was sulking in the corner with his pack of cigarettes, which were vanishing from the pack in a dangerous speed.

"What's wrong with spring?" Sesshoumaru asked only half interested. He had a window to clean, after all.

"It's so…wet", Naraku said and wrinkled his nose.

"That doesn't make any sense. You love falls, even though you're a pain during the time, and that's a pretty wet season too.

"Yeah, but then the colors are nice. Spring is just depressing. All the crap under the snow is revealed, trees are still bare and streets are all slushy. " He was quiet for a moment before he added: "And there's too much light!"

"I don't get it."

Naraku pouted. "Hmph."

"Don't sulk out there", Sesshoumaru said and left the window alone for a while and went to the balcony. "I like the light."

"No, no. Dark is good. It helps me concentrate", Naraku said and took a deep draft from the cigarette.

"You've been smoking a lot lately." It wasn't an accusation, just an observation and statement of a fact.

"I only smoke when I feeling down."

"So you really don't like spring, huh? That's strange considering that you like it when the seasons change."

"Spring is a bit different. When the trees are getting their leaves back, then it's okay, annoying, but okay. this slushy time is just a pain."

"How can the trees getting their new leaves be annoying?" Sesshoumaru asked amused.

"They look so smug when it happens…" Naraku murmured and wrapped his arms around his knees.

Sesshoumaru wasn't quite sure what to say to that so he tactfully kept quiet. He had a feeling that he wouldn't understand even if Naraku were to explain what he meant. "I'm just going to continue cleaning."

"And that's the other thing I hate about spring!" Naraku suddenly snapped. "Everybody should be so..so…so hardworking when the spring comes. Cleaning the house, studying harder, getting a job for the summer... It's so frustrating! I'm not going to do anything!"

Sesshoumaru listened silently while Naraku was ranting. When Naraku had gotten everything out of his system, Sesshoumaru finally spoke. "I was thinking of cleaning the whole house except for the kitchen, of course, but if you're so against cleaning it yourself, I can – "

"Oh no you won't!" Naraku almost screamed and jumped up. The cigarette dropped from his mouth. "You are not allowed to touch the kitchen!"

"I know that", Sesshoumaru pretended to be a little insulted. "But you said you didn't want to – "

"You absolutely can't!" Naraku cut him off again. "I'll do it!" He declared with a huge amount of motivation and marched into the kitchen to polish his stainless pans.

Sesshoumaru smiled to himself and went back to his window. Sometimes it took some serious threats to get Naraku out of the 'spring sulk'.

--

--

_(1) I'm not sure about this translation. This is supposed to refer to a drink we drink here in Finland during Christmas time. It's spicy and you make it from wine or special kind of juice, then you put raisins and almonds in it. (I don't like raisins, though…) It smells really good. We call it 'glögi'. Horrible word, is it not? We eat spicy cookies called 'pipari' with it.  
_

_I know this isn't as funny as the last ones but I really wanted to make soemthing like this. I hope you got something out of it. Leave a few reviwes, if you don't mind. Next update will take a while 'cause I'm going away for some time. A holiday, or something that resembles one. Anyway, until next time!_

_Love, Val  
_


	5. Family Visit

Family Visit

_The First One:_

"Do I have to?"

"Yes."

"I don't want to!"

"I know. Get up!"

"No!"

"Sesshoumaru, would you stop acting like a brat when you aren't one, that's my job! Get up and come help me!"

A head with white hair peeked from under the covers. "You're mean!" a strained voice groaned and a pair of amber eyes glared fiercely.

"So I've heard", Naraku huffed and pulled the covers off the bed. A half naked Sesshoumaru was left lying on the bed hair messed up and a childish pout on his lips. "This so doesn't suit you", Naraku chuckled and left the bedroom taking the blanket with him.

Sesshoumaru jumped off the bed and rushed after Naraku. "Give it back! I want to sleep. I _need_ to sleep. I was up all night if you didn't notice."

"I did notice, actually, and I think you're stupid. You knew what was going to happen today. Might be easier to deal with it after a goodnight's sleep, don't you think? And did you really think I'd let you sleep through this?"

Sesshoumaru's eyes narrowed. He crossed his arms over his chest and kept pouting. "You just like to see me suffer…"

"No, not really", Naraku said, smiling. "I just like seeing people suffer in general."

"That makes you a horrible person."

"So it does", Naraku agreed again and continued to do his preparations.

Sesshoumaru realized that all his efforts to stop things from rolling now would be futile. He could only try and win Naraku over, so he wouldn't make things worse just in order to amuse himself. "So what exactly are you making for them?" he asked, still eyeing Naraku suspiciously.

"Chocolate cake. Without cheese…"

"Don't start that again."

"You get bitchy every time they come over."

"Can you really blame me?"

"Guess not."

"Then why the hell did you allow them to come here?!?" Sesshoumaru demanded and hit his fist to the kitchen wall. The action caused two packets of spices fall from one of the shelves.

Naraku cursed quietly. "Will you _ever_ stop destroying my kitchen?"

Sesshoumaru's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Don't you dare to change the subject! Why in the fucking hell did you allow them to come here?"

The smirk on his roommates face was almost sly as he cocked one eyebrow. "Yes… It is strange isn't it, that it is I who has to answer to their calls in the end… Considering that they are _your_ family. And by the way, since when have you cursed so much? I think I have a bad influence on you."

"You have a bad influence on everyone around you", Sesshoumaru grumbled and combed his fingers through his hair. "I don't want them to come here. It's so messy…"

Naraku huffed. "You're worried about cleaning up?" He sounded somewhat disbelieving.

"Of course not!" Sesshoumaru spat irritated. "It's their presence, it's just so exhausting. You know what they're like. Actually, I'm a bit surprised that you're the one behind all this. You hate socializing, unless of course it will lead to a decent fuck. Something like this should make you run for your life."

The black haired man shrugged and took coffee cups and plates from the cupboard. The thought of denying Sesshoumaru's words didn't even cross his mind (it was the truth so why bother). So he just simply said: "It's your family. What can I say to that? I know that despite your constant complaining they're important to you, so would you please try to be more honest with yourself, my dearest? You know I can see right through your shit, which you have plenty, by the way."

"I'm not sure if you're being considerate or the biggest bastard on Earth."

Naraku's grin was wide and showed a row of white teeth. "Well, if this was a bet, I'd put my money on the bastard one, though I guess one can never know…" he trailed off and winked at Sesshoumaru, who rolled his eyes at him.

"Well, perhaps I have to admit that you might be right, as reluctant as I am to say it. It's been a long time since I saw them. Might be about time. Anyway, thanks for doing all this", Sesshoumaru said and waived his hand towards the cake and some other snack Naraku had prepared.

"But of course, no problem, really. They practically begged me not to let you try anything. Apparently they can vividly remember your rather exceptional abilities when it comes to cooking."

"Oh shut up, would you", Sesshoumaru muttered while Naraku tried to control his chuckles.

"Sorry sorry. You're right, there's nothing funny about the fact that you're a walking catastrophe."

"Says the person who forgets to put his pants on when he leaves the house…"

"I still got a date that day, you know."

"And the woman turned out to be slightly mental."

"That's beside the point."

"Right."

"Anyway, it's not really your place to remind me of my pants when you're parading around in your boxers. Not that I mind", Naraku commented with a suggestive smirk.

Sesshoumaru looked down at his nearly naked body and his brow furrowed. "When exactly are you going to stop making comments like that?"

Naraku pretended to look horrified. "Leave you gorgeous body alone? How could I ever do that to you, my dearest!"

"Oh shut the fuck up", Sesshoumaru muttered. He was way too used to Naraku's stupid quirks. It was actually a bit scary how little he cared anymore about those kind of comments coming out of Naraku's filthy mouth. Still, he decided it would be better to put some clothes on. Apparently his wish to sleep was something that would not come true.

With a heavy sigh he walked back to the bedroom taking the bedcover with him. Naraku had left it lying on the kitchen floor. He _always_ left things lying around…

"Sesshoumaru! While you're at it, you should choose some especially nice clothes to wear today. Your stepmother is coming too."

"She what?"

"You sound like you're going into panic."

"I am! Shit! I haven't cleaned since – "

"Yesterday. You drove me out of the house. Relax. Breathe."

"Easy for you to say!"

"Yeah it is. But seriously, relax. She's a nice woman. It's your own mother who's the bitch in the family."

"Thanks for that. You really know how to make me feel better, Naraku…" Sesshoumaru did not sound particularly pleased as he buttoned up his shirt and went back to the kitchen.

Naraku was just putting some cookies on a plate. "Just stating the facts. I'm actually surprised that at this point you're not making any remarks about my family, you know. They're way more horrible than yours."

"That's true. But, you see, unlike you, I'm not a skunk who seeks pleasure in other people's misfortune."

"Ouch, the hurt a bit, mate."

"I'm glad to hear that."

"Ha!" Naraku pointed a finger at Sesshoumaru. "So you do find pleasure in my misfortune."

"That I do, but that's not the case with others. You're special", Sesshoumaru said with a sweet smile that made cold shivers run down Naraku's spine.

Naraku huffed and pouted, though that didn't last long. Soon his usual smirk found its way back to the right place. "Oooh… Hear that, my dearest?" he whispered suddenly. Someone slammed a car door shut outside. Their balcony door was open so they could hear it clearly. "It sounds like they're here…"

"I'd like to say something very vulgar right now", Sesshoumaru muttered and tugged a strand of his hair, almost pulling it off.

Naraku laughed. "Why don't you just say it then? It's not like you have a mouth of a sailor or something. I really should teach you some better curses. Yours are a bit lame."

"I still don't want to use them in front of _her_."

"A bit self conscious, are we?"

"Would you stop trying to turn this into something ridiculously funny!"

"I'm not trying to do anything of the sort, if I did, I'd be doing a very lousy job. I'm just being here for the support, but if you're going to be like this I might just as well leave."

Sesshoumaru looked panicked. "Leave? No! You can't! I can't deal with them alone! Not that you'd be of any help even if you stayed, but still, you have to stay! I want you to share my misery!"

"Yeah, that talk is so gonna make me stay…" Naraku said a flat look in his eyes.

"So you will?" Sesshoumaru sounded almost hopeful.

"I am deeply sorry to inform you, but no, I'm not staying. I have a date. A very hot brunette who's waiting for me to come and peel the clothes off her body."

"Charming."

"I think so."

"Why the hell did you let my family come over if you're not going to stay and watch me suffer?"

"I can watch you do that right now and afterwards, though I honestly did ask them to come for your own sake. As I said, I know you love your family. Well, okay, perhaps the word 'love' is a bit too much. And as you said, socializing without the promise of a good time is simply something I will not do voluntarily."

Sesshoumaru stood very still, staring at Naraku, who was starting to feel slightly uncomfortable under such a gaze. "What?"

"You said you _asked_ them to come?"

"Whoops…"

"You're dead."

"And now might be the time when I bolt out and your loving family will ring the doorbell. Bye bye, my dearest!" Naraku ran out of the house before Sesshoumaru had any time to do something violent. On his way out he greeted the family of three walking up the stairs, smiling widely.

--

--

_The Second One_

"Naraku!"

"What is it Sesshoumaru? You're disturbing", Naraku mumbled a pen in his mouth, eyes fixed on his computer.

"Hide me!" the other one nearly squeaked and ran behind him.

"What the fuck's the matter with you?" Naraku grumbled as he mistyped due to Sesshoumaru shaking his arm.

"I ran in to your sister."

"Oh!" Naraku's undivided attention was now Sesshoumaru's. "Did she eat you?"

"I honestly wouldn't have noticed the difference. It's almost like she has tentacles! And does she try to remove the pants from everyone she meets?"

"Kagura's a bit weird, yeah."

"That seems to run in the family."

"You want my help or not?"

Sesshoumaru raised an eyebrow. "It's never bothered you before that I call you weird."

"It bothers me when you trivialize it."

"Right…"

"So, would you mind continuing the story? You still haven't explained why you ran home screaming like a little girl."

"I did not scream like a little girl!"

"You're not concentrating, my dearest…"

"I thought that I sort of explained that already. She was all over me! It was hard to get rid of her, and I'm rather good at getting rid of unpleasant glingers. She even followed me when I ran!"

Naraku's face was expressionless. "You ran?"

"Yes."

"Seriously?"

"Yes!"

And Naraku lost it. He laughed so hard he had to grip Sesshoumaru's shoulders for support.

"This isn't funny!"

"Yes it is. Mind explaining me why you ran from her in the first place? Do you think my sisters not attractive?"

Sesshoumaru looked a bit taken aback. "I'd never say something like that about your sister!"

"Then why didn't you go with her?" Naraku asked still chuckling.

"She's your sister!"

"So?"

"There are rules about that!"

"Really?" Naraku raised his brows surprised. "If I wanted to sleep with your brother I wouldn't think about it twice. If he wasn't an annoying prick that is, but other than that…" he let the sentence trail off suggestively. Sesshoumaru's eyes flashed.

"Are you saying that you wouldn't mind if I had a one-night stand with your sister? And please don't speak about sleeping with my brother or I'll throw up."

"Yeah, I honestly don't care", Naraku shrugged ignoring the comment about Inuyasha. "Besides, _you_ would probably be _her_ one-night stand. She sleeps around a lot. Kind of slutty, really. I heard she's good, though."

Sesshoumaru blinked. Several times, actually. "You're talking about your sister!"

"I know. What's your problem?"

"I, uh, never mind…"

Sesshoumaru sighed. He swore he'd never ever in under any circumstances be in any contact with Naraku's sister Kagura. One sibling was a pain to handle but a second one would drive him insane without a doubt.

--

--

_Yup, yup, totally pointless. I needed to let out some extra brainenergy. (I don't even pretend to know what that meant...) _

_Actually I just wanted to say that those who read my story_ **Have It Your Way** _don't have to wait long for the next chapter. I just need to type it and then it's all yours. I'm back from Puerto Rico and I have a computer. Yay! It was quite a nice trip but it was a bit too sunny... I'm not good with sun... But cute guys, so cute *eyes gleaming*_

_I need some sleep, people. And a cigarette. AH! Are you proud of me now? Naraku didn't smoke once in this chapter! Last chapter was thick with smoke mainly 'cause I wanted to go out and... Oh well... Right. Sleep. Now..._

_~Val  
_


	6. Shirt Problems

Shirt Problems

"How many times do I have to tell you to stop borrowing my clothes?" Sesshoumaru shouted storming out of his room to the living room.

"Aww, what did I do now?" Naraku's voice came from the balcony. Sesshoumaru rushed there and was met by a smoke screen.

"When are you going to quit smoking?"

"I'm not gonna. And are you going to lecture about your clothes or my smoking?" Naraku said smirking widely. He had a glass of wine in his left hand and a cigarette in the other. There were pictures of women lying around him on the floor.

Sesshoumaru's eyes narrowed. "I was going to say a few words about you destroying my clothes but while we're at it, I could also say something about your drinking habits, too."

"I've only had three glasses!"

"It's two in the afternoon, Naraku…"

The man put the cigarette between his lips and ran his fingers through his hair. "Okay, okay. Let's do this in order, shall we? What about the clothes?" he mumbled looking somewhat distracted. The cigarette in his mouth popped up and down as he spoke.

"I said – and this is not the first time by the way – that you are not allowed to borrow my clothes!"

"Oh." Naraku breathed out and nearly spilled his wine when he moved too fast closer to Sesshoumaru. "Why?"

"I've already told you why! You destroy them! Just look at this shirt. It's supposed to be white. You know white, the nice pure color I like to wear?" Sesshoumaru shook the shirt in his fist right in front of Naraku's face.

"It looks perfectly fine to me, though it will get burnt if you don't move it further away from my smoke."

"It is not _perfectly fine_! See this? It has a BIG red stain on it!"

Naraku looked thoughtful as he examined the shirt. "Oh yeah, now I remember! I spilled some wine on it. I had that on when I went out with Jenny. Now that girl was wild I tell you – "

"No! I do not want to hear! If you want to date wild girls, do it with your own shirt on!"

Naraku rolled his eyes and sipped the wine. "Fine, fine. I won't do it again…"

"You will. I know you will", Sesshoumaru sighed and his shoulders slumped a little.

"If you know it, why do you bother to preach?" Naraku said smiling and went back to his pictures ignoring his roommate who was clearly holding back so he wouldn't attack him.

"It's such a good pastime for me", Sesshoumaru said sarcastically (willing himself not to be violent) and followed him to the balcony's corner. "What's with these pictures anyway?"

"No no no. You can't do that. It's against the rules", Naraku said looking over his shoulder, the cigarette popping in his mouth again.

Sesshoumaru shot him a deadly glare that told him not to mess with him while he was still extremely pissed off and ready to murder him. Naraku naturally didn't care.

"You can't start about my womanizing until you've gone through smoking and drinking. It's practically a tradition already, you know." His face was all innocence as he said this.

"Do you want me to make your life difficult?" Sesshoumaru asked and flipped his hair over his shoulder. He was not in a mood to be part of Naraku's games at the moment. Not that he ever was, really.

"Well, not exactly, but it usually helps you to let out some steam."

"There you go again. Pretending to be nice and hiding an insult inside it."

"Really? Was I hiding it?"

Sesshoumaru had to bit the inside of his cheek in order to keep a few things from coming out of his mouth. They were not those pretty words one wants to shout out loud while standing on the balcony.

"Why don't we make a deal? You stop borrowing my clothes and I won't preach about smoking. Deal?"

"Nah, I like your clothes. I can never find mine."

"That's because you leave them wherever you happen to stand while taking them off!"

"That and I never find clean ones…" Naraku took one of the pictures from the ground and examined it carefully.

"You do realize that that problem would be easily solved, right? You could just wash them."

"Too much trouble. Hey, which do you think is better looking, this blond or this redhead?"

"That…I…excuse me?"

"I'm asking which one you prefer."

"The redhead…?"

Naraku nodded enthusiastically. "That's what I thought too. You have almost as good taste as I do."

Sesshoumaru blinked several times before he managed to catch up. "Naraku. What the hell are you doing?"

He sipped his wine before answering. "I'm picking up the best looking ones. Their pile is here. The okay-ones go there and absolutely-not-ones over there." He pointed out three piles that were somehow visible in the picture ocean.

Sesshoumaru felt like all he was doing was asking stupid questions but he couldn't help it. Living with Naraku was like that. "Uh, why?"

"I haven't told you yet?" Naraku took the last drag from his cigarette and put it out. The pile in the ashtray told that he had been out there for quite some time.

"Obviously" Sesshoumaru's voice was close to toxic.

"Well, this friend of mine works in a model agency. He asked my opinion of who to choose to work for them. He said I have an eye for human beauty."

"You fuck everything that moves. How does that make you capable of deciding people's future?"

"Hey, I do not fuck _everything_ that moves! I only go after the good looking ones."

Sesshoumaru raised his eyebrow. "You haven't tried to sleep with me…"

Naraku laughed. He turned to look at Sesshoumaru, took out a new cigarette and light it. All the time he was closely examining Sesshoumaru, who was beginning to be very sorry that he was stupid enough to raise the subject in the first place. Why did he have to make a slip of tongue at a time like this?

"Oh, my dearest Sesshoumaru. I would be more than happy to do that if it wasn't the fact that you're very anal when it comes to sex. No pun intended." The look on his face, however, told that it was very much intended and he was enjoying himself a bit too much.

Cold shivers ran dawn Sesshoumaru's spine. "Do not even think about it!"

"You're the one who started it", Naraku shrugged and inhaled more smoke. "And now, would you please let me continue? I must say, this is much more pleasant way to spend my time than to write that stupid article."

Sesshoumaru leaned to the wall feeling more than little exhausted. "Shouldn't you be doing your work, meaning that article you mentioned? You know, that thing that allows you to pay the rent?"

"I will, I will. And I already got my paycheck, by the way, so you don't have to worry about rent. Besides, I do get paid for this."

"You do? Really?"

"Yeah. Two thousand."

Sesshoumaru's hands were tight fists. "You spend your time looking at pictures of women while drinking and smoking in the middle of the day and you get _two thousand_ out of it?"

"Yup." He put another five pictures on top of right piles.

"How are you going to spend this extra cash you get?" Sesshoumaru asked between his teeth.

"I don't know yet…"

"May I give you one friendly suggestion?"

"Go ahead", Naraku mumbled the smoke between his lips.

"Buy some shirts!" Sesshoumaru spit out and stormed away. It had not been a good day for him.

--

--

_Hello again sweethearts! (God I hate that word) I'm back with more randomness! Actually, there is an incident behind this story. My BF got sort of pissed off. Majorly so. Yes, I was the reason behind it. I sort of double booked my Friday night. I was supposed to have date with this really cute guy I met at a cafe I usually go to, and I was also supposed to have a date with this woman I know from my part time work. Obviously I had to cancel one of them. Well, one really good thing about guys is that they don't really mind if you cancel on them because you have a date with another woman. They simply book the next day in order to get every juicy detail while they're still fresh, you know. So, that went rather well ecxept that my dear dear friend wasn't exactly pleased with me... She began to preach about my dating system and my other - admittedly somewhat unorthodox - habits and general weirdness. Luckily she forgives me easily (perhaps a little too easily...). Well, at least it inspired me to write this._

_Anywho... I hope you've had a good day (or night, whatever) and see you again soon! And thanks for all those who have been kind enough to review and of course alert and put his silly story into their favorites. Hugs and kisses and cookies!_

_Love, Val_


	7. About the Moose and Jellyfish

About the Moose and Jellyfish

"You can't imagine the night I just had!" Naraku declared when he walked into the apartment obviously more than a little tipsy.

"I certainly hope I can't", Sesshoumaru muttered from the sofa. He was watching a very good movie but he was quite sure he wouldn't be able to finish. Naraku had the tendency to interrupt him whenever he was trying to relax.

"Take a guess hun", Naraku said smirking and began to take his clothes off in the middle of the living room.

"I do not want to. And please don't show so much of yourself to me. I don't exactly appreciate the sight."

"You're no fun", the black haired drunk pouted and shook off his shirt. "But want it or not, I _am_ going to brighten your boring day and tell you anyway. I had the most peculiar night that includes a bottle of wine, a hot chick number one and two, a duck and a moose. Oh, and a one hot guy!"

Sesshoumaru couldn't help it. He put the movie on pause. "A moose?" he repeated slowly. This was one of those Naraku-things again.

"Yes. A moose. And a jellyfish. Did I say a jellyfish already?"

"No, you didn't. Are you drunk?"

"Yes. At least I hope so." Naraku combed his fingers through his hair. "If I'm not drunk then what happened tonight won't make any sense tomorrow."

"Uh-huh…" Sesshoumaru looked like he didn't believe the things would make any sense were he drunk or not.

"So wanna hear or not?" Naraku asked and began to unzip his jeans.

"Sure, but please keep your pants on. I'd appreciate it."

Naraku let out a deep sigh. "Fine, fine. You are so not fun…." He sat down to the floor and started to do some yoga moves.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Finding concentration. Now shut up or you'll never hear this story. It has a _moose_."

"Yeah. I know", Sesshoumaru rolled his eyes and continued to watch Naraku who was trying very hard to eat his toes. Well, at least it looked like it…

"Okay, so I was in this bar with Jenny – "

"The rough girl who spills wine on my shirts?"

"That's the one, though could you please stop interrupting."

"Sorry. Continue."

"Anyway, I was in this bar with Jenny, when suddenly we were interrupted by a guy who looked like a jellywish."

"How can someone look like a jellyfish?" Sesshoumaru wondered out loud and Naraku shot him a look.

"I told you to shut up. He looked like a jellyfish. That's it. He was bald and all that. Stingy old man…" Naraku muttered and plucked some threads from the carpet.

"You're not making any sense once again."

"That's because you keep interrupting!"

"Sorry. So there was a jellyfish man? What then?"

"Well, he began to molest poor Jenny. The man looked like a jellyfish so obviously she wasn't interested. I mean, she's a smart girl, even if she is a bit kinky, ya know?"

"If you say so. So what happened after the jellyfish man?"

"Well this one chick was very impressed how I threw that guy out of the bar. I mean he was like a jellyfish."

"I got it already…."

"So yeah, she was totally all over me and then Jenny got all jealous. I have no idea why though, we could've had a threesome."

Sesshoumaru's eyes were rather cold. He _harrumph_ed and urged Naraku to continue his drunken story.

"Well, the women started fighting and this one guy appeared. He was going to take advantage of the situation I presume. I didn't really mind. He was hot (don't worry, you're still my number one) and I haven't slept with a guy for like ages", Naraku nearly fell down when he did a little too describing hand gesture, "so I was quite into it all (we were making out) when the moose barked in!!"

Sesshoumaru was quiet for a while. "Wait a sec… Are you saying that an actual moose came into the bar or that someone that looked like a moose came into the bar….?"

Naraku looked confused. "A moose. That's what I just said, right? A mooose" he over articulated.

Sesshoumaru just nodded, pressing his lips together tightly so he wouldn't say anything too insulting to his roommate who obviously had finally lost his mind.

"So this moose came in and we were like what the hell. Then the jellyfish man came in and he shouted like there was no tomorrow something about world end and no ladies to make it better. I have no idea what that was about", Naraku continued his story and tried to pull his boots off his feet.

"No kidding…" Sesshoumaru muttered and put a piece of chocolate in his mouth. Listening to Naraku's stupidities was definitely better that any drama could ever be.

"Then the moose (it was a real moose, seriously) drank this one man's beer! I couldn't believe my eyes!"

"Uh-huh…"

"Then there was the duck!" Naraku suddenly shouted so that Sesshoumaru threw one piece of chocolate to the other side of the room.

"Right. Duck is all we need", Sesshoumaru said calmly and looked sadly at the chocolate that was lying in the corner of the room. He took another piece and put it in his mouth. It wasn't as good as the other one would have been. "So next the duck came through the door."

"No", Naraku said and looked at Sesshoumaru like he was stupid. "How could a duck come through a door?"

Sesshoumaru didn't really have the energy to play this came (he had just lost a piece of chocolate)so he simply said: "How did the duck come to the picture then?"

"The duck came from the kitchen!"

"What was the duck doing in the kitchen?"

"How the hell should I know? Perhaps there was a duck conference in there. Anyway, the chick number one (Jenny that is) is scared of ducks. I have absolutely no idea why, but I think I want to meet her again just to find out. I mean _ducks_. The moose I sort of understand. The other girl was scared of it. It's really big, ya know!"

"Okay, okay. So they were scared of the animals. Did they run?"

"Nah. That would have been better. These two just screamed. The jellyfish man seemed to like it. Creep…" Naraku spit the last word out of his mouth. He reached for his jacked to get a hold of his cigarette case. He really needed a smoke.

Sesshoumaru didn't feel like denying Naraku from smoking. This story was so weird and Naraku was so drunk that Sesshoumaru was ready to allow him this one cigarette.

Naraku lit the cigarette and took a deep drag. It didn't look like he was going to continue.

"So…?" Sesshoumaru pressed. "What happened then?"

Naraku blinked and took another drag from his smoke. "No idea", he exhaled. "I left with the hot guy."

"What?"

"Yeah. He's actually there in the hall so if you don't mind, I'd like to invite him here and go to my room to fuck him. Is that okay?" Naraku didn't seem to think that there was anything wrong about what he was doing.

Sesshoumaru was speechless. He could only stare at his roommate who in all his weirdness was probably the most intolerable person who had ever existed on this earth, and who obviously completely lacked any morals.

Unfortunately Naraku was also the type to take silence as an agreement, so he had became very good at making Sesshoumaru speechless. Just like now, when the white haired man didn't object right away, Naraku went to fetch his one nigh lover and had his way with him. Throughout the night.

Sesshoumaru on the other hand turned the volume to the max and tired very hard to watch the movie without picturing any moose or ducks in it. He wasn't successful.

--

--

_Hello again! I felt random again (and drunk). I like mooses. They're sort of cute. I'm dead scared of jellyfishes though... They're so...jelly... My mother is like one,nbut I like her.  
_

_**Pineapple55: **I'm very sorry to hear you don't have any cigarettes... It's tragic... I am sort of happy though that I was able to pass on the feeling of want. Kukuku._

_**DarkAngelJudas: **Thank you so much for always reviewing my stories! I'm honored!! ^^ And I'm not sorry that I used your name, but I have to admit it was an accident the first time. This time it wasn't. You're wild, duck girl!!! ;)_

_**LordOfTheWest: **Once again thanks so much for the review!! I'm so happy that I can make you feel better. At least there is some use for me being like this. I have to tell my BF. She won't believe me though -.- I hope you liked this one too!_

_**FrivolousChaos: **That was one nice review, thank you very much. I made the correction! It's now 'borrow', not 'loan'. I felt sort of bad using that word but I couldn't figure out what it should be. I should have known that.... Thanks fro pointing it out, it was driving me crazy!_

_Love, Val  
_


	8. Rock Your Things

Rock Your…Things…

"Sesshoumaru, can I ask you a question?" Naraku asked suddenly on one late summer evening as they were having drinks on the balcony.

"You're going to ask anyway, so why do you even bother asking permission…?" Sesshoumaru muttered, not looking up from the book he was reading and definitely not sounding interested. He just reached out to take his bottle of beer and continued to read.

"When was the last time you had sex?"

Unfortunately Sesshoumaru was just taking a sip from the bottle, and he definitely was not prepared to hear a question like that, so he pretty much choked. While he was trying to cough the beer out of his lungs, Naraku calmly took out a magazine from the bag next to his chair and placed it between them on the table.

"Seriously, my dearest, I'm worried about you! I never see you hook up or anything, not to mention have a relationship, even though you keep nagging that I should have one for a change."

"That is so not any of your fucking business!" Sesshoumaru growled his voice rough because of the coughing.

It didn't look like Naraku had developed any sense of self preservation since the last time Sesshoumaru nearly ripped his throat open, though. He ignored the murderous aura coming from the man and pouted. "Here I am worrying about your health and you don't even have the decency to answer properly…"

"And I never will answer to a question like that! What the hell is the matter with you!"

"I was just thinking that you might need my help", Naraku explained with an earnest expression spread across his face. Sesshoumaru hated that expression. It meant that Naraku was being obsessive with his idea, and unfortunately very sincere, which only made it worse because there was no way to shut him up until he had his way.

"_Help me_? With what exactly?" Sesshoumaru slammed the book shut with a loud bang.

"Don't be mean to your books. Books are nice", Naraku said clicking his tongue disapprovingly. "Anyway, I brought you this." He handed the magazine to Sesshoumaru, who took it looking more than a little suspicious and giving Naraku the hardest glare he could.

After deciding that Naraku's face could only get more and more irritating and he wouldn't get anything through to him by just glaring at him, he finally took a look at the magazine in his hand. He was very glad he didn't have any beer in his mouth this time.

"Naraku."

"Yeah?" he chirped.

"This is a Playboy."

"I know."

"…"

"You like it?"

Sesshoumaru turned to look at him very slowly. He voice was deceptively calm when he spoke. "No, I do not like it. Explain yourself!"

Naraku pouted again. "You don't know how to be grateful, do you?"

Deadly glare.

"Fine, fine! I was actually thinking that you could go through it and point out the types you like. I know lots of good women for you, but I'd like to ask someone you might actually like."

The white haired man took a couple of deep breaths to calm himself and to organize his thoughts. How the hell had the evening turned out like this? He had been completely happy enjoying the nice summer evening with his book and a good drink (even Naraku's presence had been tolerable) and now _this!_

"Naraku", he started with a quiet voice, "didn't I tell you to try and not to be considerate? You really don't know how to do it and quite frankly I don't see any point in this", he said and threw the Playboy on the table, resisting the urge to stuff it down Naraku's throat.

"What do you mean?" Naraku asked cocking his head. He had just light another cigarette and it was now hanging from his mouth making him look (in Sesshoumaru's opinion) more idiotic than anyone should be allowed to.

"What I mean is that you really don't have to worry about my sex life and giving me a Playboy does not solve the problem!"

Naraku grinned. "Ha! So you admit that there is a problem!"

"No! I didn't mean…I didn't say… Oh just shut up, would you!!"

"You know, you can keep the magazine and…do your stuff, I don't mind. Rock things around a little."

"One day I'm really going to kill you."

"Nah, you're just saying. You would've done it by now if you were going to."

"No no, I still need you to help me pay the rent."

"Oh…" Naraku looked thoughtful for a while before he grinned again. "I could lend you a hand, ya know", he said holding out his hand and wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"No way in hell will I let you touch me!" Sesshoumaru growled and held the book defensively between him and Naraku.

"Okay, okay. It was just a suggestion", the other smirked and took a deep drag from the cigarette. "But honestly, my dearest, what kinda woman would you like to have?"

Sesshoumaru groaned and raised a hand to rub his forehead. "Aren't we over this already?"

"No way!" Naraku huffed. "I've decided to help you!"

"Well undecide it then!"

"Don't wanna."

"You are infuriatingly irritating!"

"So you keep telling me."

"Why, why, why can't you just shut up?" Sesshoumaru groaned sounding desperate.

"Because I'm bored and curious, but since you've decided that you're supposed to be uptight about sex, I try to behave for now."

"I'd appreciate it…" Sesshoumaru muttered through gritted teeth and opened his book again.

Unfortunately it didn't take long before Naraku was fidgeting restlessly on his seat making it hard for Sesshoumaru to concentrate. "What is it now?" he finally snapped against his better judgment.

"Well, I couldn't help but wonder…"

"Yes?"

Naraku turned to look at him and took the cigarette from his mouth. His eyes were wide and expression so innocent that he was surely thinking about something very very nasty.

"Do you ever do it yourself?"

Sesshoumaru blinked confused. "Do what?"

Naraku smirked. "Oh, so innocent… I mean this", he explained and did a very describing hand gesture that actually made Sesshoumaru blush – in anger.

The red faced Sesshoumaru was too angry to get the words out but Naraku took it the wrong way. He thought that Sesshoumaru was just too embarrassed to admit it. "It's okay my dearest, everybody does it. I'd just like to know what you're thinking about while doing it."

The red on Sesshoumaru's face deepened and his fists were shaking.

Naraku gasped. "Oh my! Could it be that you're thinking of the beautiful me while you jerk off? I'm soooo happy! I have to go and tell Jenny about this!"

And with that he left the balcony with the speed of light and poor angry Sesshoumaru was left alone without any means to vent out his anger (he couldn't hit Naraku when he wasn't present, obviously).

Naraku on the other hand ran to his favorite bar to have a deep and meaningful conversation with Jenny about the subject of: 'Ten perfect ways to make Sesshoumaru absolutely furious'. It had been a good day for him.

--

--


	9. About Drinks and Sweets

_I had totally forgetten that I wrote this one... This piece is actually older, I just found it when I tried to find files from various flash drives I have saved them very unorganizedly (that's probably not a real word...). I really have to try on be more systematic...someday anyway. My computer broke, you see..._

_About the story, I wrote this piece after my BF made a long speech about me drinking too much tea (I thought it was unreasonable 'cause I do a lot worse things than that). Besides, I thought it was time to make them be a little nicer to each other. I failed mizerably.  
_

About Drinks and Sweets

_Drinking Habits of Two Idiots:_

"Sesshoumaru! I'm making tea. Do you want some?" Naraku shouted from the kitchen.

"I think this is the twenty second time today when I say that no, I do not want any tea", Sesshoumaru groaned and came out of his room. He leaned against the kitchen's doorframe and studied Naraku's current antics (he wasn't allowed to go in unless Naraku asked him to). "Exactly how much tea can you consume? It's almost ridiculous."

"Of all the things I do, _that_ is the one you decide to nag me about now, huh…" Naraku muttered as he tried to decide what kind of tea he wanted at that particular moment.

Something flowery?

No… Too summery.

How about strawberry?

Yuck, way too sweet and berry-ish. He didn't feel like drinking something sweet.

Earl Grey?

Nah, too ordinary…

Mata Hari…?

Huh?

What the fuck was that? He didn't remember buying tea that was called 'Mata Hari'. His ability to remember names was absolutely terrible, but he'd definitely remember buying something that had such a stupid name.

Sesshoumaru shook his head. "Honestly, you look so serious while picking tea. Why can't you show such seriousness with other things? Like work, for example."

"I do. Occasionally."

"Hmm. When you get a profit out of it."

"Of course. What other reasons are there?"

"How about common decency to do the right thing?"

"Sounds boring. But never mind that, I have a problem."

"What?"

"There's a weird tea in my collection that I don't remember buying."

"How awful…" Sesshoumaru rolled his eyes.

"No need to be mean about it. This is very serious. I have to be quick to decide whether I dare to taste it or not, the water isn't getting any warmer."

"You could just warm it again, you know."

"That wouldn't be the same thing."

"Okay then", Sesshoumaru sighed. This was once again one of the things that he would never understand about Naraku. His obsession for his tea went over the top and beyond his understanding. While Naraku was home, he didn't go anywhere or do anything without having a cup (or usually the whole pot) of tea with him. Unless of course he decided that he wanted to drink something with alcohol in it, which happened quite often as well. He never mixed the two though. Sesshoumaru thought that was a little peculiar.

"Seriously, what the fuck is this…?" Naraku took the irritating unidentified tealeaf bag from the shelf and read the description. "Ceylon tea with vanilla, cocoa, almond, cinnamon and apple…"

Naraku turned to look at Sesshoumaru. "You know what, my dearest. I'm afraid I have to admit you were right. I think I really should start paying more attention to other things besides my own beautiful persona. I can't believe I've forgotten I bought something this strange…"

"I thought you liked strange", Sesshoumaru said frowning.

"Yeah, that's why I'm so stunned that I forgot this. So not like me… Especially with tea…"

"Well, I'm glad you like it", Sesshoumaru muttered and walked away unusually quickly.

Naraku blinked confused about Sesshoumaru's strange behavior, until the realization hit and a wide smirk spread across his face. "You bought me tea! Ooh! I'm so happy!"

"Shut up! I hope it makes your teeth turn yellow!" Sesshoumaru shouted from the living room.

Naraku decided to leave his embarrassed roommate alone for now. He didn't want to ruin the moment, after all, it was the first real present he had ever gotten from Sesshoumaru. (Nicely wrapped carpet cleaner did not count…) He opened the bag and sniffed. It smelled sweet, like almond, apple and vanilla. Quite unusual blend, especially with the cocoa.

The taste, too, was wonderful, as he discovered when he finally sipped from the steaming cup.

On that night Sesshoumaru's evening hot chocolate had extra amount of whipped cream and two marshmallows in it.

--

--

_About the Other One's Sweet Tooth_

"Listen, I'm starting to get a little worried about you", Naraku said as he eyed his roommate critically. Sesshoumaru was lying on the sofa watching a movie, eating chocolate.

"Oh no, here we go again… Can't you let me watch through at least one movie without interrupting me with your stupid ideas?"

Naraku frowned. "This isn't like that, I'm serious! Damn it, Sesshoumaru, you can't live on chocolate and sugar alone! When was the last time you ate properly?"

Sesshoumaru rolled his eyes and put another piece of chocolate in his mouth. "This coming from a man who actually _forgets_ to eat…"

"That only happens when I'm doing something important – "

"Like choosing photographs of nice looking women and men…"

" – which is not the point here, would you stop turning this against me?" Naraku snapped and stomped his foot to the floor like a little kid. "Have you ever heard of vegetables? Or fruits?"

"I think I've heard them being mentioned at some point…" Sesshoumaru muttered pretending to be thinking about it.

"Your health is going to be completely ruined by the time you're forty if you don't start eating healthier!"

"I happen to like sweet things, and as long as I'm not fat, I am going to continue eating them as much as I want, thank you very much."

Naraku flipped his black hair over his shoulder and smirked mockingly. "Heh, now _you _say that so arrogantly, but when I use that line when you nag about my habits you freak out."

Sesshoumaru gave him a very serious look. "Naraku, _dear_, I doubt that eating sweets is in the same category as smoking, drinking and womanizing."

"You know it's very insulting when you call it womanizing!"

"And why is that?"

"I go for men too! You should know, you always complain that we make too much noise."

"Please, please, _please_ don't remind me", Sesshoumaru groaned and took a piece of dark chocolate from the box.

"There you go again, putting those things in your mouth. Now I'm not saying that eating sweets occasionally is bad, not at all, but you eat them _all the fucking time_! I happen to know that yesterday you didn't eat anything but different kinds of chocolate products!"

"So?"

"Don't '_so?'_ me! Come on! You even drink a cup of hot chocolate every night before going to bed. That's something that kids do!"

"Uh-huh, so you're saying that I should do something more adult like before going to bed?"

"I'm not sure what you mean by that but sure", Naraku nodded.

"Like banging some stranger in my bed so hard that there will be dents on the wall…"

"Hey! Are you referring to me there, mister?"

"Yes. And don't think I don't know you have them on the walls in your room. I checked", Sesshoumaru said looking a bit too smug as he did so. The fact that he had been sneaking around Naraku's room looking for evidence of sex didn't seem to bother him like it probably should have.

"Anyway", Naraku sighed deciding it was time to return to the original topic. There was nothing he could say or do to make Sesshoumaru change his mind about the reason behind the dents. "Since I'm the one doing the cooking, I've decided that from now on we eat very healthily."

Sesshoumaru's head shot up in alarm and he stared at Naraku absolutely horrified. "What?"

"You heard me. That also means: no takeout unless I'm the one buying it. And you can't go grocery shopping unless you have a list from me."

"But that would mean that…" Sesshoumaru's voice trailed off and for a moment he looked devastated.

"Exactly. No pizza (unless I make it), no hamburgers (the same thing) and definitely no French fries or anything other greasy, salty and unhealthy."

"Now you're just being mean!"

"I know. Take a banana."

--

--

_Okay, about Sesshoumaru's sweet tooth... I know many find it unlikely, but hey, the manga has never said anything about his eating habits so this could happen. Though, I don't know if I have any right to say that since I've already made them so OOC in this story. I think it still works though, don't you think? ^^ (This is where you guys agree and I give you the next chapter quickly. After I find it that is._)

_By the way, I'm so happy that people are warming up to them as a couple. I know it says no yaoi in the summary, but I'm a yaoi writer, so of course I can't keep it out of this (meaning: the implications will continue). I simply want to slowly warm you up to the idea of these two. They don't get half as much lovin' as they should. Sneaky of me, huh? ^^_ _(My BF is sighing next to me saying: 'no it isn't sneaky... you're so obvious you dork...')_

~ Val


	10. It's All About Testing

**_I just want to point out that I do NOT own the wonderful test I use in this story. There really is a site called www(dot)semeuke(dot)com. I highly recommend you to take the test before reading this (you want to take it afterwards anyway) It's hilarious, honestly! ^^ And I really want to know what results you guys get!! Curious person here!! _**_(See how sneakily I try to get reviews there ;))_**_  
_**

It's All about Testing

"Wow! This is brilliant!" Naraku exclaimed loudly as he ran from his room to the living room holding his laptop. "Sesshoumaru, you've _got _to try this!"

"Whatever it is, I'm sure I won't like it so could you please calm down… I'm trying to work here", Sesshoumaru muttered and tried to find the right reference book from the ever growing pile.

"This'll only take a minute", Naraku said and put the laptop on the table next to Sesshoumaru, who sighed and put the books away. He figured it would be easier to just go along with it. That way he could get Naraku go away a lot faster, and he could continue to do what he was supposed to, work.

"Okay then you weirdo. What is it?"

"Don't be so lethargic, this is absolutely awesome!"

"Yeah yeah…" Sesshoumaru didn't seem to be too interested so Naraku figured that there was only way he could get him as excited as he was, he needed to r_eally_ explain the pure awesomeness his find possessed.

"I found this test", he announced and opened the laptop.

"Please don't tell me that this is all about some stupid test you found from the Internet? Again?"

"Stop being so bloody pessimistic, I promise this is going to be great."

Sesshoumaru decided that the grin on Naraku's face was absolutely stupid, which could only mean that he had some _ideas_ again, and that was never good. For Sesshoumaru that is. Naraku always enjoyed himself in that state of mind…

"Okay then you big pain in the ass… What exactly do you want me to do?"

Naraku chuckled. "Oh, I think pain in the ass is a very accurate phrase right now, my dearest. This is the thing I found."

Sesshoumaru leaned in closer to look at the laptop's screen. "…the quiz…?" His eyes quickly scanned the site and his frown deepened.

_**The Quiz**_

_**W**__**elcome. By hitsuzen, luck, or forces beyond your control, you have been brought to the realm of the Seme/Uke quiz. *beckons innocents towards the darkness* Come forth and embrace your destiny...**_

_**Just remember, we cannot take responsibility for any actions, relationships, bondage, or drunkenness that may occur as a result of the quiz. (So all you Badass Uke ~ it's not our fault that your seme knew exactly what you wanted to do with that rope and turned your plans against you) The quiz is meant for entertainment purposes only. **__**Mmmm... yes...**_

"What the fuck is this you fruitcake? I do not understand."

"Aah", Naraku sighed, "you really know how to pick the right words, my friend. _This_ is a _**brilliant**_test that can tell you if you're a seme or a uke and – more importantly – what type of seme/uke you are! There are many different types!"

Sesshoumaru swallowed the insulting words that were threading to come out of his mouth and gave Naraku just a hard stare instead. "You've got to be kidding me."

"I assure you that I'm not, though I wish you could humor me whit this one. I just want to try if a theory of mine really works as I think it should."

"And you want me to do this silly (and embarrassing) test in order to confirm whatever it is you want to get confirmed?"

"Yup. I got the perfect result and I want to see if yours will be what I think it should. And you really phrase your sentences difficultly…"

Sesshoumaru thought about it for a second (he thought it best to ignored the comment of his way of speaking for now). He had to admit that it might be amusing to go along with it, incredibly uncomfortable no doubt, but amusing nonetheless. At least going through with it would prevent Naraku from whining about it for the next two or three weeks.

"Fine, I'll do it, but first I want to see what kind of result you got. I'm a bit curious to be honest."

Naraku looked absolutely thrilled. "Great! This is what I got. Do you think it suits me?" Naraku chirped enthusiastically and clicked another window open. (Sesshoumaru thought that it sounds weird when a man with such a low voice chirps like a little girl.)

_**You are a Don't Fuck With Me Seme!**_

_**Serious and to the point, and sometimes bordering on the sadistic, it takes a special breed of uke to satisfy your needs. You tend to be anti-social with little patience for most people. You need someone to challenge you and push you to your limits, and then be able to take your intense reactions, which possibly involves rope and sensual torture. This is what makes the Badass Uke the yin for your yang, as you're the only one able to put them in line and satisfy each other.**_

_**Most compatible with:**__** Badass Uke  
**__**Least compatible with:**__** Dramatic Uke, Innocent Uke, Clueless Uke**_

"And this is the character description…" Naraku continued and clicked again.

_**Don't Fuck With Me Seme**_

_**Possibly the most easily misunderstood Seme personality - the dark intense eyes of the DFWM Seme silently penetrating deep into your true motives is enough to frighten most away. Only those with a taste for playing with danger, and a craving for sensual punishment, would approach willingly into this fire. Intensely possessive and serious, this Seme is driven by challenge - and the thrill of the hunt, capture, and physical dominance over their partner in their shared game of power and submission. And despite this Seme being silent (unless provoked into anger) and more of a loner, once they've found the right partner - someone who can match their intensity and darkness - they are deeply protective, loyal, and sensual.**_

Sesshoumaru read through the description and – much to his roommate's delight – actually laughed. "That is…Yeah, it suits you. Especially the sadistic part. Though, I really hope you realize how stupid this is."

"No I don't. There's nothing wrong with it. Now's your turn, mate." Naraku's eyes were gleaming, which never promised good things to Sesshoumaru.

He clicked the test open and read the first question out loud to his reluctant victim.

_**Do you enjoy licking things?**_

Sesshoumaru blinked. "Excuse me?"

"You heard. Here are the options…"

And so they went on with the test. As they did it, Naraku noticed how obviously uncomfortable Sesshoumaru was, but at the same time he tried very hard to try and humor the test (and the overly excited Naraku), though he did have a bit hard time when they came to the question: _**Have you ever tied someone up**_. He had to admit that yes he had, once, when he saw Naraku passed out on the carpet, he had been the one who tied him up. Naraku was happy that he finally got him to confess that one. It had been bothering him ever since he had woken up hands tied to the coffee table.

Then they came to the last question. "Do you usually find yourself on top or bottom?" Naraku read and readied himself to be punched. However, Sesshoumaru's reaction was not quite what had expected it to be.

The white haired man grinned rather wickedly. "Wanna bet?"

Naraku's eyes widened slightly. "Okay, I think that pretty much answers the question", he muttered slightly off balance and picked the option _**'Wanna make a bet and find out? *winks*'**_

"Ready to see what you got?"

"If it will end this torture…" Sesshoumaru mumbled red faced.

When the result came, Naraku squealed in delight. "I knew it, I knew it!"

_**You are a Badass Uke!**_

_**Other uke admire you, some seme fear you. Despite your sometimes flaming appearance, you can even fool other people into thinking you are seme with your mischievous, manipulative attitude, but when push comes to shove, your true submissive nature emerges. It takes a seme with enough intensity to challenge you and keep you satisfied, and your perfect match, the Don't Fuck With Me Seme, knows that all that naughty teasing just means you want the punishment.**_

_**Most compatible with:**__** Don't Fuck With Me Seme, Chibi Seme  
**__**Least compatible with:**__** Sadistic Seme, Romantic Seme**_

Naraku clicked open the character description and Sesshoumaru (who was pretty sure he had a momentarily mental illness because he was stupid enough to agree to this) could read it and decide whether it was fitting or not.

_**Badass Uke**_

_**Sensual, rebellious, and intuitive, the Badass Uke can truly be a work of contrasts - an innocent appearance clothed in dark clothing, and a shy smile with eyes that suggest a naughty, darker nature. They are at once easy and hard to approach, as their energy draws people to them, while their intensity and distrust pushes people away... for maybe more than any other personality, the Badass Uke hides away deep in a fantasy world of their own creation, letting few, if any, in. Searching for the one person able to understand their need for **__**something more**__**, someone to protect them and share that mysterious world with them, the Badass Uke can seem lost and wandering, their loneliness sometimes reflecting an inner anger - as they cannot be content until they have been found and claimed, sensually and emotionally.**_

"You know what, Naraku?" Sesshoumaru started. "I somehow think that we got mixed results…"

"How's that?"

"Well, out of the two of us, you're the one with the energy and the one who lives inside his head."

"Not true. You don't even seem to realize your own potential, but I guess that's part of your attraction."

"What attraction? You're the one with a different partner every night."

"Yeah, but you're the one who attracts people wherever you go, even though you don't want to. And you so do live inside your head, it's not like you allow anyone in, and – let's face it – you're so uke-material."

"Uke-material?"

"Yes."

Sesshoumaru sighed and shook his head. "At least I'm not mischievous."

"Says the person who tied me to a coffee table while I was passed out. You just try very hard to suppress the mischievous part of yourself. I cannot understand why… Besides, I act like a weirdo only around you. No-one else knows that I'm really like this."

"Okay then. I don't really want to argue with you about something this stupid. Can I go now?"

Naraku's expression turned very serious. "Sesshoumaru, I don't think you get the real meaning behind these results."

"And what might that be?" Sesshoumaru gave him a blank stare.

"It means that _we, _my dearest, are a perfect match!" Naraku exclaimed loudly, obviously very serious.

"And that should interest me why?"

"Because I'm right here and ready to take you, baby!" he said and leaned closer to Sesshoumaru licking his lips.

"Right. I'll keep that in mind. But just so you know, call me 'baby' one more time and I'll rip your balls off and hang them in the chemistry lab as a momentum of your short life."

"You really don't know anything about the right mood, don't ya?" Naraku said with a grim face.

"If it includes me being called 'baby', then no, I don't."

"You're so not fun… Though, I could just force you…" Naraku's right eyebrow rose almost to his hairline and his eyes began to gleam again.

"It's just a test, you idiot", Sesshoumaru tried but totally in vain. Naraku was already doing his tricks.

He put the laptop on the table next to him and with amazingly quick reflexes pushed Sesshoumaru pack on the sofa and straddled him. "So…?" he said licking his lips again. "Shall we?" The smirk on his face grew wider.

The normal reaction Sesshoumaru would have given him would have been to get majorly pissed off, call him names, punch him a couple of times and then leave the room embarrassed. He knew that that is how Naraku expected him to behave, and that's why he also knew that Naraku wasn't really serious when he pushed him down, however, after having to endure Naraku's quirks for so long he had developed a way to counterattack some of them. One way was to completely ignore him but in this case the other way would be better…

"Oh, should we really?" Sesshoumaru murmured voice slightly husky and wrapped his arms around Naraku's neck. He resisted the urge to grin when he saw the dumbstruck expression on Naraku's face. He decided to push a little further.

"I've been thinking about it too. We've been together for so long after all. You can do it if you want…" he whispered into Naraku's ear and gave it a little lick.

Naraku quickly grabbed a hold of his shoulders and pushed him away from him. "Did you hit your head or something?" he asked seriously concerned.

"Of course not, silly", Sesshoumaru chuckled and parted his legs so that Naraku was more comfortably between them. "C'mon now. Take me! Or would you like me to get the rope, first?"

Poor Naraku was positively horrified. "There you go with that mischievousness! How dare you play with my honest feelings?"

"What are you talking about?" he tried to imitate Naraku's I'm-trying-to-look-innocent-and-charming expression. "You don't want me anymore?"

The black haired man opened and closed his mouth like a goldfish for some time before he managed to choke out: "Now that I thought about it…I think I had a date tonight so…umm… Gotta go!"

And so he jumped up and stumbled out of the apartment.

Sesshoumaru waited until he was sure that Naraku was out of hearing range and then fell into fits of uncontrollable laughter he never allowed anyone to hear. He decided that doing something like this every now and then wasn't so bad. Next time Naraku passed out drunk, he would tie up his legs, too.

--

--

_**Uh, yeah... You probably already guessed that I made my BF do this test...What part of this is what really happened and what is something I came up with, I leave to you imagination ^^**_

_**Anyway, I thought this was a perfect way to make a little tension between these too (and I promised my BF that I would write this), but whether it worked or not, well, you're the judges. Oh, and I also thought that it was about time Sesshoumaru gets to win. It's not fair that Naraku always beats him. It's just fun.**_

_**~Val  
**_


	11. Pineapple Business

Pineapple Business

"Sesshoumaru! I need to ask you something!" Naraku shouted and slammed Sesshoumaru's bedroom door open with way too much force.

"Naraku, you damn loose screw, it's the middle of the night!" the rudely woken man growled under the blankets. He wished that Naraku would just leave quickly so he could go back to sleep. He might just be able to continue that very pleasant dream he'd been having.

"Who cares what time it is? This is important!" Naraku kept screaming.

Sesshoumaru sat up and the covers fell off the bed. "Is something on fire? Did you break something? Did some madman follow you here? Did you finally piss off someone's husband?"

Naraku pouted. "No. Why do you always have to think the worst of me? It's so not fair, ya know…"

"Then what is it?" Sesshoumaru groaned still half asleep and rubbed his eyes. "I'm tired!"

"Stop whining like a little girl and get your ass to the kitchen. I made tea."

"I don't want any damn tea. I want to sleep. You should try it sometimes. It might actually help your brain to function properly for once."

"You're unexpectedly bitchy after waking up. I thought you were an early bird."

"It's still the middle of the night you bugface!"

"You're getting better with the insults. I'm proud of you."

Sesshoumaru just groaned and was about to lie down again but Naraku grabbed his arm and dragged him out of his warm and comfortable bed. "Put this on", he said and gave him his bathrobe. Then he dragged him to the kitchen before Sesshoumaru had any time to actually put the robe on.

"Okay then, what's the big deal?" Sesshoumaru asked with a yawn and ran his fingers through his long thick hair.

"Have some tea and sit down. This is serious", Naraku said gravely and sat on the kitchen table.

"Don't sit there", his roommate muttered and ignored the teapot. He really didn't want any caffeine in his veins. He wanted to get at least some sleep that night. "So spit it out. Is something really wrong, and if is, why is it important at this hour and do you really need bother me with it?"

Naraku looked at him with a pair of very serious maroon eyes. Then he crossed his arms over his chest and raised one of his eyebrows quizzically. "So what do think of a pineapple as an apology?"

Sesshoumaru blinked. "Excuse me?"

"I asked: what do think of a pineapple as an apology?" Naraku repeated patiently and kept staring.

"I'm seeing some weird nightmare about you again, aren't I?"

"Of course not. Why would you do that? This is serious you know. Try to pay attention!"

"A pineapple?"

"Yes."

"As an apology?"

"Yes."

"But _why?_" Sesshoumaru almost whined. He got easily frustrated when he was sleepy.

"Do you have something against pineapples?" Naraku asked sounding almost hurt. The worst thing was – as Sesshoumaru to his great horror noticed – he didn't look at all like he was kidding.

"No I have nothing against pineapples, Naraku. I just don't understand why I have to stay awake because you are worried about them", Sesshoumaru explained like talking to a child.

"But if there's a ribbon, then it's okay, right?" Naraku pressed and his stare was even more intense than before.

Sesshoumaru sighed. "Okay, you got me interested. What the hell is going on with you now?"

"Well, I was just wondering, if you found a pineapple behind your door and it had a ribbon around it, would you eat it?"

"You're kidding, right? Please tell me you're kidding so I don't have to kill you. You did _not_ drag me out of my beautiful, _warm_, bed because of pineapples!"

"Just answer the question", Naraku snapped (as if he had any right to, Sesshoumaru thought) and tapped his fingers to the table impatiently.

"I don't know. I have never thought about pineapples that suddenly appear behind my door", Sesshoumaru said submissively. It was always faster to just go along with the stupidity so Naraku would get it out of his system. "Tell me about the pineapple."

"If you insist", the black haired weirdo chirped as if telling him about pineapples was the best thing he could ever do in his life.

"Stop beaming like that and just start already."

"Okay, so you know that I have this habit to go walk around at nights, right?"

"Of course. You can't close the door quietly and it always wakes me up. And you sometimes bring shady people back here. So?"

"So I usually go to this one place. It's a house that has a really cool fence!"

"What exactly is a "really cool fence" like?"

"It's all spiky and stuff!" Naraku said looking way too excited considering that he _was_ talking about a fence.

Sesshoumaru rubbed his temples and sighed. "Wait a sec, are you talking about a _fence_ fence or just about something that you call with that name."

"I'm talking about a nice spiky fence that goes around a house. What else could I be talking about?" Naraku blinked confused.

"I don't know", Sesshoumaru said shrugging. "It's just that with you one can never be too certain. What has this fence got to do with pineapples?"

"I'm getting there. So, usually when I go out for a walk, I go past this house and because that fence really is very nice, I like to play with it."

"How do you play with a fence?" Sesshoumaru asked his voice full of skepticism.

"I'm getting there! Geez, would you stop interrupting?"

"Okay okay, please continue…" he said rolling his eyes.

Naraku huffed disapprovingly before continuing. "For example, this one time during winter, I walked around and had this sudden feeling that I want to make snowballs. I was just walking past the fence, and the spikes were so inviting that I made a snowball for each spike."

"So… What you're trying to say is that you stuck a snowball to each spike? Seriously?"

"Yeah. It looked really funny."

Sesshoumaru shook his head as he looked at his stupid roommate. "I guess that is something you'd do. But I still don't understand what pineapple has to do with all this."

"I'm getting there."

"Get there faster. The night isn't getting any younger."

"That is one fucking stupid way of saying that it's late, by the way…"

"My head doesn't work properly when I'm sleepy so I can't avoid all the sayings you find stupid, Mr. Literature student. Oh god, tomorrow – no, today – is going to be hell at the lab… I won't get any sleep tonight, will I?"

"Don't worry about it, my dearest. You'll manage. Anyway, back to the fence, I go there to play quite often. Even if you, my dear Sesshoumaru, never notice anything fun, you must have taken notice that this winter there's quite a lot of snow out there, yes?"

"I have noticed, thank you very much, no need to be mean. "

"I'm just trying to educate you, my love", Naraku smirked and patted him on the head.

"Knock it off", Sesshoumaru growled through gritted teeth.

"I can't help it! You look so cute when you're all tired and grumpy"" Naraku cooed and kept petting Sesshoumaru's hair.

"I hate you."

"Why do insist on saying that every day?"

"It's my policy to remind you of it at least three times every day. You can be very forgetful", Sesshoumaru said with a sly smirk and brushed Naraku's hand off.

"I don't like you when you're like that."

"As if I care. Are you going to continue your stupid story or can I go to bed already?"

"Of course I'm going to continue."

Sesshoumaru yawned.

"Okay okay! I hurry this up a little, but you should know that you're totally spoiling my fun", Naraku said pouting.

"And you should know that I couldn't care less as long as I get some sleep."

"Fine… Tonight I was about to play with the fence again, but because of the snow I had a little accident and I fell on a rosebush that was growing next to the fence. It was one of those wild ones that nobody really wants around, but I thought it might have been important to them, so perhaps I should apologize."

"Didn't it hurt to fall on top of roses? Especially when there aren't any leaves to cover the spikes now that it's winter and all", Sesshoumaru asked flinching a little.

"Yeah it really did! I think I still have some spikes in my clothes… And one particularly painful in my ass…"

"I'm sure it hurt. Now why did you need me? To remove rest of the spikes? I'm not touching anywhere near your ass, by the way."

"I actually just wanted to ask if it's alright to give a pineapple with a red ribbon as an apology of ruining someone's rosebush. I thought I said that already", Naraku said frowning confused.

Sesshoumaru's expression was blank. "I really wouldn't know about the connection between pineapples and apologizes."

"But you must! I mean, you're the most stuck up, suspicious person I know, so what would you do if you found a pineapple behind your door?"

"So you mean you didn't give it to them? You just left it there?" the tired man asked deciding to ignore the part about him being 'stuck up and suspicious'.

"Of course", Naraku shrugged. "Otherwise they would have known it was me who destroyed the roses."

"Uh-huh. I see."

"So what do you think?"

"I think that you're completely bonkers."

"I know, I meant the pineapple."

"I don't have any particular feelings about pineapples."

"Actually, I was also thinking about tomatoes, but then I thought that if I nail a bunch of tomatoes to their door, it might look a bit too much like mafia stuff…."

"Yes. That might be the case", Sesshoumaru nodded. His tone didn't carry any emotions.

"Do you think they'll eat it?"

"The mafia tomatoes?"

"No! The pineapple."

"If I found a pineapple behind my door, I'm not too sure I'd want to eat it…"

"Oh", Naraku looked disappointed. "That's a pity. It was a really pretty pineapple."

"What? You already took it there?"

"Of course! Where do you think I was all this time?"

"Well, I wasn't expecting you to be dropping pineapples all over the place. Where did you get one anyway? It's so late already. The stores shouldn't be open. At least not the ones that sell fresh pineapples…"

"I bought the pineapple earlier. I just had some trouble with the ribbon, so it took a little time before I was finished."

"I still don't understand why I had to be woken up, not that your stupidity isn't amusing, I just don't like to be woken up even for that."

"I got worried. It was a nice spiky pineapple and I was afraid it might feel lonely if it was left uneaten."

"Only you could think about something that stupid", Sesshoumaru sighed shaking his head. He was more and more certain that his roommate would have to spend some years in the closest madhouse in the near future.

"Take some tea", Naraku offered and sipped from his own cup that was the size of a soup bowl.

"Don't want any damn tea", Sesshoumaru groaned. "Honestly, what's wrong with that head of yours?"

"What do you mean?"

Sesshoumaru bit back a groan. "What exactly made you think that a pineapple is a good way to apologize?"

"It sorta like hit me. Out of the blue. I thought: 'yeah… Pineapple…' Then I went and bought one."

"But why leave it behind someone's door? And don't tell me because you wanted to apologize. You've never apologized for anything in your life. Besides, I know how your mind works and there's definitely something fishy about this."

"Aww, how suspicious of you…", Naraku pouted and sipped from his cup. "Take some tea, my dearest."

"Don't. Want. Any. Freaking. Tea", Sesshoumaru growled. Then he suddenly froze and fixed his amber eyes on Naraku who looked overly calm and content while sipping the good smelling tea.

"What is Sesshoumaru?" Naraku asked smirking slyly.

"You just wanted me here to drink tea with you, didn't you? After that obsessive studying spree of yours, your day and night have switched places and you felt lonely 'cause you never see me (although that sounds selfish) so you woke me up just to have tea with you…" The man sounded like he was in physical pain.

"Ah, you know me so well", Naraku sighed and wiped an imaginary tear away from the corner of his eye.

"So there was no pineapple?"

"Oh yes there was!" Naraku almost shouted sounding hurt that Sesshoumaru could doubt the existence of The Pineapple. Then he looked a bit sheepish. "I just thought that it would be good enough reason to wake you up. Besides, if I didn't ask about it from you now, it would have bothered me for _ages_!"

Sesshoumaru hit his head to the table. He was way too exhausted to even get mad at the idiot. Slowly he got up from the chair and walked towards his bedroom. "I'm going to sleep."

Naraku flinched as the door slammed shut.

"I guess that means I can drink his tea, too", he muttered after a while and poured himself a new cup. "Shame… I even put dried pineapple bits in it…"

--

--

_Terve! It's been a while since you last heard of me... Sorry 'bout that. Lots of things happened, nothing particularly good to be honest. However, the most important thing is that you can expect a load of chapters from me soon! ^^ You've had to wait long enough *sigh*_

_About the pineapple... Yes. I did it. End of discussion._

_See ya soon sweethearts! Leave some love!_

_~Val_

_P.S: I'm so glad you guys enjoyed the test in last chapter ^^ I had insanely fun when I read about your results. Seems like we have quite a lot of Chibi semes among us. Just keep your hands off my Badass uke, okay. And **bunyipbabe**, send my love to your scarred borther. My poor little brother was also a victim, so your poor bro is not alone. Kukuku. One of these days I'll probably get a concience... That will be the end of all fun...  
_


	12. Something Problematic

_Ah, Hello there bunnies! How are ya? Good. Now, about todays story, I noticed that even though I write a lot (like a lot a lot) about Sesshoumaru, I rearly write from his point of view. So, I decided to do it now. This was extremely fun. I tell you more about it after you've read. ^^ Oh, and if you're not into yaoi, don't get freaked out about this. You should be able to stomach this, just read till the end, 'kay?  
_

_Also, this isn't exactly a chapter fic, but this story has two parts. Why? I have my reasons. Now read the chapter, we'll meet at the end._

Something Problematic

The one where we finally take a peek inside Sesshoumaru's head

part 1

_The horrible morning:_

Sesshoumaru was just waking up from a very strange dream. He couldn't quite remember what it had been about, but the lingering feeling of regret and pain told him that it probably wasn't such a good dream. Well, it couldn't have been totally bad though, the feeling of complete satisfaction was far too great for a nightmare.

With surprisingly great effort he managed to blink his eyes half open (he was a morning person so waking up wasn't usually a problem). As he opened his eyes, he expected to see the white wall of his room, just like every other day. But now he was in for a surprise. Instead of his perfectly white wall, he saw…skin.

Lots of it.

And then there was a strand of wavy black hair.

Clod shivers ran up and down his spine.

Oh God, this did not happen.

"Good morning, my dearest! It's a wonderful morning, isn't it?" the familiar voice enthused way too close to his ear.

Sesshoumaru sat up quickly and groaned. He was aching all over.

"Don't strain yourself. I imagine you'll be a bit sore for a while", Naraku continued, obviously not the least bit worried that he was lying in Sesshoumaru's bed.

"What the fuck are you doing here, Naraku?" Sesshoumaru groaned and held his head between his hands. He had a terrible headache and his mouth was like hard sandpaper, making his voice sound strangely rough.

"I'm seriously insulted. No one _ever_ forgets what they did with me…"

"You've got to be kidding me." He turned to look at Naraku, who actually was still in his bed and wasn't just his imagination's poor joke. "Please tell me you have some pants on…"

"Nope. Nada." Naraku grinned and proved it by throwing the bedcover aside, revealing his body. All of it, much to Sesshoumaru's annoyance. "And I would very much like to point out that you don't have anything on either. Now, what that tells you, I wonder?" Naraku almost purred leering.

Sesshoumaru grabbed the closest pillow and hit him with it. "Cover yourself you gigantic fool! What the fuck are you doing in my bed?"

"Ouch! Knock it off, would you!" Naraku screamed as the pillow hit him over and over again. When the hitting stopped he smirked again. "You seriously don't remember?" he asked from his huffing roommate, whose eyes were slightly red after what happened last night.

"NO!"

"Oh, well…" Naraku scratched his head. "I'm not gonna tell you. You just have to figure it out on your own, mister clever head. I'm gonna take a shower. You made me all messy yesterday, and while we're at it, you should probably change the bed sheets, too. They're a bit sticky." With that he left to the bathroom and left the baffled Sesshoumaru on the bed.

--

--

_After the horrible week:_

It's probably not hard to imagine that Sesshoumaru was more than a little troubled by the fact that he had woken up in the same bed (naked) as his roommate and he couldn't remember anything that had led to it. For a week he used every free moment he had trying to recall what had happened that night.

Naraku wasn't helpful at all. He mainly managed to piss him off even more. Every time he walked pass him, he gave a knowing smirk and winked. Sesshoumaru didn't know which of the gestures was more annoying. It had come to the point where he wanted to punch him every time he saw him. Usually he only wanted to hit him when he was stupid enough to open his mouth and make unnecessary sounds, like talking.

After a week Sesshoumaru had managed to remember that he had been in a very good mood because his article had been published in the national chemistry magazine. Naraku had been his proofreader and had helped him to 'write it interestingly' as he had put it. When he had heard about the article being published, he had rushed home to tell Naraku…

…and he had suggested they take a drink to celebrate…

…and then there were lots of grey and even more black spots…

…and then he had woken up next to the bloody pain in the ass. And he was beginning to fear that that was a far more too literal choice of words than he would like it to be, after all, he had been sore in strange places after waking up…

Sesshoumaru feared that he was developing a headache that would last through a lifetime if he didn't get this whole thing figured out soon.

He was starting to think that the only way to find out what really happened would be to ask directly from Naraku. With a baseball bat.

No, he shouldn't use violence. He wasn't a brute.

He really wasn't.

However, if Naraku really had taken advantage of him while he was drunk, he would first torture him and then he would cut off his dirty dick and make him eat it and…

NO! Sesshoumaru shook his head. He wouldn't sink that low! Besides, he'd have to find out what had happened first. Perhaps he was just getting himself fired up for nothing. He would go home and ask Naraku to explain. Kindly.

So, that night before going home he bought a pack of cigarettes and a bottle of vodka. He himself hated both substances with a passion, but they were two of Naraku's many vices, and these two were his favorite. Sesshoumaru figured that he might have to bribe the bastard to open up his mouth and tell the truth. (Actually, out of all Naraku's vices sex was his personal favorite, but considering the circumstances Sesshoumaru ignored that one before it even crossed his mind.)

When he arrived home he was met by a shocking sight he rarely saw. Not because it never happened, but because Naraku didn't want people to see it. He usually locked himself in his bedroom while he was in the middle of it. Now on the other hand, he was doing it in the middle of the living room.

Studying.

His hair was in a messy bun on top of his head and his glasses (that he _definitely_ didn't want others to see) were a little crooked. He was wearing an old sweater that was already so out of shape that the shapeless neckline shoved his left shoulder and there were several holes in his sweatpants. What always struck Sesshoumaru the most, however, was the completely and utterly happy expression he had on his face when he was absorbed in his books.

Books that were _everywhere._

Sesshoumaru couldn't help but sigh. This would be problematic. Why? Oh well, because:

**1.** When Naraku was _**interested**_** in **something, he only snapped out of it after he had satisfied his thirst to know about it. Sometimes he was out of it for days, even weeks. Usually Sesshoumaru appreciated the peace, but now was a little different. He needed his undivided attention.

**2.** His weird roommate had an obsession. That obsession was books. He couldn't walk past a bookstore without going in and buying something '_Oh wow, Sesshoumaru, you can't believe what I just found_'- interesting. Because of this, his room was filled with books. Every wall in his room was cover with bookshelves and they were filled so full it was a wonder they didn't break. And because he didn't have any more room in the shelves, the rest of the books were in piles all over the place. Like now in the living room that Sesshoumaru had just cleaned up. Didn't the bastard have any idea how much **dust** those things collected? Huh?

**3.** When Naraku was in this state of mind, he was acting serious, which was – if possible – even harder to deal with than when he was an idiot. Why? Because his logic was out of this world and universe. It actually wasn't logic at all, but Naraku acted like it was. Sesshoumaru on the other hand was a logical person through and through so he had a hard time keeping up with Naraku's idiocy. Naraku had a tendency to take seriously such matters that normal people would consider ridiculous, and then he would helplessly laugh at things that others were serious about. Troublesome.

**4.** The fact that Naraku was doing this in the living room instead of the privacy of his own room only proved that he was so absorbed that Sesshoumaru's presence wouldn't disturb him. Which was bad, because he was usually very careful not to let Sesshoumaru see him in that particular attire, and yet now he didn't care, so Sesshoumaru would have to do something extremely radical to get his attention. Dancing around naked wouldn't do the trick… (As if he'd ever do that)

**5.** When Naraku was concentrating, he didn't eat, and therefore he didn't cook either, which meant that Sesshoumaru (who was still banned from the kitchen) didn't get to eat properly either.)

This is why Sesshoumaru could only sigh. Perhaps he should have bought more cigarettes…

Actually there was only one way to get Naraku to lift his head from the books. Sesshoumaru already knew this but after waving his hands and jumping around Naraku had proven it, he didn't have much choice. The downside was that afterwards Naraku might be so pissed he wouldn't tell him anything.

Still, there was no choice if he wanted answers.

Sesshoumaru would have to cook.

He honestly didn't know what was hard about that task. He was a smart man, the best student in the university's chemistry department, and in the laboratory he was the best man to have around. He _always_ knew what he was doing. It's sort of necessary actually, there's a lot of stuff that can blow to your face if you're not careful. Sesshoumaru never made a mistake.

And yet in the kitchen _everything_ exploded.

Cooking is not that different from chemistry, not really, so the reason why he couldn't do it remained as a mystery to him. He had tried so many times but something always went wrong, and then Naraku had to come and help him while holding back tears as his precious equipments were destroyed.

Sesshoumaru did feel a little sorry for it, so he always cleaned up after himself (if Naraku let him that is) and he finally even agreed not to set foot in the kitchen again, if not for something necessary and quick. Of course, agreeing to it might've had something to do with the fact that Naraku had developed a sixth sense. He always knew when Sesshoumaru was about to go in to the prohibited room, and he was there to block his way.

And now he would have to cook in order to wake up the frying pan man.

Who knows, perhaps he'd succeed this time, though it might be wisest to do something easy and simple. Like boil some eggs.

That shouldn't be so hard. It was like boiling water, and he had only messed that up once, but it didn't even explode (like it even could). Putting in some eggs could hardly make much difference, right?

And that was another thing. In the laboratory he had boiled water for god knows how many times and it had never gone wrong, ever. But in the kitchen…

Never mind, it wasn't important.

Now, where did that nutcase keep the kettles? Oh yes, in the cupboard next to the oven.

Damn, it was locked.

Sesshoumaru went back to the living room and somehow balanced his way over and between the piles of books so he could get to Naraku. He kneeled next to the man who was apparently reading something about…well…oh come on, how could anyone read a text like that? The lettering was so old and winding that it was impossible to make sense of it. And it seemed like it was in Latin…

Oh well, the keys.

Sesshoumaru stuck his hand into the man's left pocket. He always kept his keys there. At the same time he tried very hard not to look at the bare shoulder in front of him and not to think about the night he wanted to forget and what his hand was currently next to.

He succeeded quite well.

He even got the keys.

Naraku turned a page and continued to ignore the rest of the world.

Sesshoumaru walked back to the kitchen humming quietly.

TBC…

--

--

_So? What happened on that night? Wouldn't you like to know hmm? ^^ Kukuku. Don't worry, I'll post the next part tomorrow or the day after, depends on my fever. (yes, I'm sick again.)_

_Like I said, this was fun to do. I noticed that up until now I'bve written this story mainly from Naraku's point of view, even when it's about Sesshoumaru. Therefore the chapters have been somewhat chaotic and random, just like Naraku's (and my) head. Now it resembels Sesshoumaru. I'm not sure if I still quite cought the exact mood I wanted, so I decided to divide this thing. I want to explore a bit more. Sesshoumaru has a whole different way of thinking and I'd like to be able to show that._

_Leave some love!_

_~Val  
_


	13. Something Problematic 2

**I forgot to post this! Eep! I've been working so much lately that everything else just slipped my mind. Seriously, I come home to sleep six hours and then I'm off to work again. Oh, and did I mention I have to sleep during the day 'cause I work at nights... sigh. I need a holiday. luckily, I'm going to Cyprus, I got some time off at last. But you guys, enjoy the chapter. I give you something new when I come back! ^^ And Yaoi lovers, check out my new oneshot!**

Something Problematic

part 2

Okay, so he had the eggs, water, kettle and the stove… Anything else? Nope, that should be it.

Sesshoumaru scratched his head thoughtful. Yes, this should be all. It couldn't be that hard, right? He'd just put the eggs in the water and that's it.

He nodded satisfied (he had a habit of having conversations with himself, probably the reason why he didn't find it necessary to talk with anyone else). This would work out just fine.

Well not exactly, 'working out just fine' wouldn't be in synch with his intention, which was to wake up Naraku from his coma, but if he really did succeed, it would be phenomenal. He had to admit though; he did have _some_ suspicions about what he was doing. After all, he had yet to succeed in anything related to cooking. Naraku should run into the kitchen any second now.

But before that happened, he should definitely try and see how far he could get with this stove thing.

He lifted the kettle on the stove and put the water and the eggs in. Then he turned on the stove and waited. Every once in a while he looked in to see what was happening. Why did it take so long for the water to boil?

Finally it did and he waited again.

Come to think of it, how was he supposed to know when they were done? Eggs don't even change color when they cook… Except that one time when he tried to grill them and Naraku had gotten mad, because apparently you're not supposed to grill eggs, much less whit the shell still on…

Well, he could always use a fork. Isn't that how you test potatoes and carrots and meat?

No… Perhaps not carrots…

Or meat…

He wasn't quite sure which.

Anyway, it didn't matter.

He took a fork out of the drawer and tried to test the eggs. It didn't really work. The shell was still tough.

But now that he thought of it, wasn't it supposed to be? He vaguely remembered having to rip it off once… Naraku had been mad then, too. Apparently he had done it wrong. Naraku had done it for him from that day on.

So, back to business, if the shell refused to soften, how was he supposed to know if they were ready or not? Perhaps he should just make a hole in one of them, just so he could see what happened with that one. The others would be the same and he wouldn't have to break them. Sounded like a plan.

And so Sesshoumaru took out a knife and stuck it right through one of the eggs. Needless to say that the egg didn't just have a hole in it, it broke in pieces.

Sesshoumaru couldn't help but think that eggs were rather annoying. The water was obviously ruined. What if the rest of the eggs got some weird taste because of it? (It didn't occur to him that eggs that were boiled with eggs would taste like eggs no matter what the shape… But he tried his best at least…)

He decided that it would be best to take the eggs out of the ruined water and put them in the microwave instead. One by one he took the eggs out of the water and put them on a plate. He then put the plate in the microwave and set the time.

Then he had a thought. Perhaps he _should_ check how eggs are supposed to be cooked from one of the many cookbooks Naraku had. One of them must have proper instructions. It might help. It's not like he _wanted_ to make everything turn into charcoal. It just somehow always happened.

He left the kitchen and went to Naraku's room. The sight almost made him sick. It wasn't that Naraku was somehow untidy, he just wasn't tidy, either. The right word would probably be messy or unorganized or chaotic or something very similar to those. The amount of dust on top of the books made Sesshoumaru feel like crying. And those paper piles! Couldn't he at least straighten them out! Why did he even have to buy any more books? He already had too many! One of these days he would have to sleep on top of them because there wouldn't be room anywhere else. How did he even find anything form that mess?

Feeling frustrated and angry, Sesshoumaru began to clean his way through the room, trying to find something helpful. Then it occurred to him that because Naraku already knew how to cook, the cookbooks were probably at the bottom of the piles.

_Great. This would take a while…_

Luckily it didn't take as long as he had thought before he found a promising cook book from the bottom of one pile. He just needed to move the other books away and he had the book he needed in his hands. Oh the dust…

When he finally got the book that looked like it had never been opened, he sat down on the floor and opened it.

Boiling eggs…boiling eggs…

Wow, there actually _was_ a recipe for eggs. What a nice and practical book it was. He should ask Naraku if he could borrow it sometime.

HUH? The eggs should only be added _after_ the water is boiling? But why? Didn't that take too long?

Only SEVEN MINUTES?

Somehow Sesshoumaru got the feeling that he hadn't done everything right this time either… Especially because the book didn't say anything about microwaves.

Suddenly there was a loud **BANG** that made Sesshoumaru jump.

Almost instantly he could hear a commotion from the living room when books were flying everywhere as Naraku hurried to the kitchen.

"Sesshoumaru! What the fuck have you done now?" Naraku's voice carried into his ears.

Well, the plan succeeded but he still couldn't help but flinch as he heard Naraku's loud curses from the kitchen. And then he smelled something burning.

"Sesshoumaru! If you don't come here this instant I'm gonna twist your pretty hair into knots that won't open before the Judgment Day!"

"I'm coming, I'm coming!" Sesshoumaru shouted back and unconsciously gripped his hair protectively as he got up from the floor and ran into the kitchen.

Wow, he really had made a mess.

"What exactly you were trying to do, hmm?" Naraku's voice was like smooth velvet but there was fire burning in his eyes.

Sesshoumaru kept his cool. "I wanted to boil eggs", he answered seriously.

"In a freaking microwave?" The black haired man's maroon eyes flashed.

"No, that was only after I stopped using the kettle."

"I see. So did it occur to you that you might want to _turn off_ the stove after you're done, hmm?"

"Oh right", Sesshoumaru turned to look at the kettle he had left on the stove. The water had already evaporated and the little pieces of egg that had been floating in the water were now burning on the bottom. "I forgot."

"Yeah, so you did", Naraku sounded deceivingly sweet. "And what exactly possessed you to put the eggs in the microwave, my dearest? And without time limit nonetheless."

"Is that what exploded?"

"As a matter of fact, yes, that is exactly what exploded." The man was the perfect image of a civilized man.

"Oh, that doesn't look too good."

The perfect image cracked and it looked like a vein had popped in Naraku's head, in several places. "Of course it doesn't look bloody fucking _good_, you useless creature! There's egg EVERYWHERE! How the hell are we supposed to clean this up? Egg sticks you know!"

"Leave that to me. I can clean anything", Sesshoumaru answered calmly, secretly pleased that he had managed to wake up Naraku.

"Leave it to you? _Leave it to you?_ I…you…this…! RAAH!" Naraku threw his hands in the air and stomped his foot.

"Try to control yourself. You're voice is starting to sound weird."

"I'll show you weird you – "

"You really don't have to. You already do that every day. Now move out of the way so I can clean this up", Sesshoumaru cut him off and pushed him aside. Naraku was still fuming but allowed Sesshoumaru to clean up, under his watch, of course.

"And now that your brain functions again…" Sesshoumaru started and scrapped some egg off the microwave's door, "I have something to give to you."

"Oh really? What is it, a nuclear bomb?"

"Try not to sound so sour. It's over there in that bag. Just look inside."

Naraku picked up the plastic bag and looked inside. His face light up instantly. "Booze and cigarettes? For me, really? I thought you despised the way I drink like a fish and smoke whenever I feel like it."

"Well, actually I noticed that you haven't smoked for the past two weeks so I thought you could have one now."

"That's because I have been studying and therefore my mind has been constantly occupied. There's been no need to distract myself with anything since I haven't been bored."

"Well, now you can enjoy yourself and indulge in your disgusting habits however much you like. I won't stop you."

"You want something from me, don't ya?"

Sesshoumaru tried his very best to look at least somewhat innocent but it's a hard task for someone who has almost completely unmoving facial muscles. "What could you mean by that ridiculous statement?"

Naraku huffed before smirking knowingly. "Hate to break it to ya, my dearest, but you ain't that hard to figure out. You like to do things with a certain pattern. Not to mention that you suck at manipulating people, you're way too straightforward."

Sesshoumaru glared for awhile before he threw the cleaning cloth into the microwave, crossed his arms over his chest and raised his chin determinedly. "Those things are yours and I will also buy you a second bottle, if, and only if, you tell me what happened that night."

Naraku's smirk widened. He looked positively wicked. "Oh, _that_ night… I must tell you, it was one of the best nights of my life."

Sesshoumaru wanted to punch the man but somehow he managed to control himself. He was very proud of that. He raised an eyebrow, demanding further explanation and silently cursing that he had been stupid enough to agree to live with the bastard in the first place. Not that he had had much of a choice at the time…

"Sesshoumaru? Still with me?" Naraku asked, waving his hand.

Sesshoumaru sighed and gritted his teeth. "Unfortunately… So spill it."

"Okay then, but I want you to know that you're spoiling all my fun with this unreasonable demand of yours."

"My pleasure."

Naraku pouted. "Fine. But you better sit down for this."

"That bad?" he grimaced.

"For you, yes."

Sesshoumaru sat down like the nice boy he was and stared at Naraku with his intense eyes.

"First of all", Naraku started, "you're a lousy drunk. I mean REALLY lousy drunk. I wonder if you're aware of that?"

"Well, I don't really drink so I guess that's possible. I'm not used to it."

"Yeah, well, I know I've been trying to drag you to a bar with me but I'm going to reconsider that. Seriously, it only took a little alcohol and you were wasted. It was rather fun, but a tad bit troublesome. I'd like you to consider that the next time you complain to me about my behavior."

"I'll keep that in mind", Sesshoumaru said through gritted teeth and glared fiercely. Naraku didn't mind him.

"So yeah, you came home unusually excited and showed that article you somehow managed to publish. I offered you a drink to celebrate (I was already drinking, anyway) and to my great and utter surprise, you accepted. It only took that one drink, though I have admit, it was _my_ kinda drink so it's not _entirely_ your fault, I suppose…"

Sesshoumaru felt like all the hairs in his body were standing up from the horror of it all. He could only imagine what was about to come. He would NEVER EVER drink again!

"Even though I tried to stop you", Naraku continued with a serious tone that Sesshoumaru knew he was faking, "you insisted that you MUST have another drink, which I gave you 'cause I wanted to see what would happen. I didn't have to regret that choice. It was hilarious, I tell you. You downed one glass after another. First you were all happy and chirpy, laughing at pretty much everything, you even invented a new dance…"

Sesshoumaru turned red. He did NOT laugh and he _definitely _didn't dance!

"…then you became all soppy and sentimental. You reeeaaally opened up to me. I didn't know you have so many warm feelings for me. And for Inuyasha", the final bit was added with an evil smirk.

Sesshoumaru turned first white, then a nice shade of grey.

"Now's the good part", Naraku chuckled, not even trying to hide his amusement at this point. "You started to take off your clothes, claiming that it was, and I quote ' _too fucking hot to even fucking breathe'_. I thought that the last '_fucking'_ added a nice kick, didn't it."

"Shut up!"

Naraku made puppy eyes. "You don't want me to continue?"

"Not too sure…"

"Do you want to know the part that caused you to ache all over?" the evil man asked with a suggestive smirk Sesshoumaru absolutely hated.

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?" Sesshoumaru accused.

"Of course."

He sighed and waved his hand. "Go on then, you scumbag."

"Thank you, my dearest. It's always a pleasure to torture you. And you did destroy my kitchen again so I think I have some right to say so."

"Whatever! Just continue and get this over with."

Naraku huffed and pouted a little. "No fun… Oh well… After you got your clothes off you asked me about muddles. I didn't know what you meant by that, so you explained, with a very beautiful drunken speech, that it was actually '_Naraku muddling', _which means me jumping into ponds of muddy water. I know I like to do that during autumns but I didn't know you had a name to it."

"Me neither…" Sesshoumaru grumbled, refusing to look at his roommate.

"Anyway, you wanted to try it, and before I could stop you, you had already jumped off our balcony to the ground – still naked might I add – and then you happily started to look ponds. It was adorable."

Sesshoumaru was whiter than white sheets and snowy Alps. "I didn't do anything like that!"

"Oh you so did. I behaved like a good boy, though - I do want some credit for that - and took you back inside. Unfortunately by that time you had already managed to get several bruises (I assume that jumping off the balcony has also something to do with the pain and bruises) and you were dirty as hell. You were also nearly passed out. I somehow managed to drag you into the shower, and yes, we took one together, I couldn't leave you alone in that state. And you didn't let go of me, by the way, which I thought was a bit strange…"

Sesshoumaru groaned. He was starting to look green.

"After the shower I was planning to take you to your bed, cover you up and go to bed myself. You, however, had some other plans. I'm still not quite sure off the reasoning you had behind all of it. For some reason you STILL refused to let go of me so, in the end, I just slept with you. The next morning you woke up all pissy and annoying. The end. Are we good?"

"I…You…NO!" Sesshoumaru hit his hands to the table with a loud BANG. "This is awful!"

"Not really", Naraku shrugged and opened the new pack of cigarettes he had gotten. He light one and inhaled deeply. "Just think about it, could have been worse. You really didn't know what you were doing."

Sesshoumaru was quiet for a while, inhaling and exhaling slowly. Then he looked at Naraku with a pained expression. "So…that is to say…we…I mean…did we…um…"

Naraku's smirk widened with every stammering syllable. He shook his head.

Sesshoumaru looked more than relieved knowing that his worst nightmare hadn't come true, but of course Naraku couldn't leave it at that. "You did, however, run around naked in front of our neighbors. I think Mrs. Hamilton from the third floor is now your most loyal fan."

With a lot of cursing, Sesshoumaru stomped out of the room and locked himself in his bedroom.

Naraku laughed heartily, holding his stomach. That was so worth interrupting his studies! He put out the old cigarette and took a new one. He held the burning cigarette between his lips and opened the bottle of vodka.

_Oh, just as well_, he thought to himself, _Sesshoumaru didn't have to know __**everything**__… _

_It really had been a pleasant night…_

-:-0-:-

**A/N: I'll leave the rest to your imagination. ^^See you next time!**


	14. Heat Wave

_A/N:__ Hello my dears! Yes, I'm currently on a vacation in Cyprus (WOOT!) trying to pick up as many Greek boys as I can (My BF is probably going to kick me off a cliff because of it). That being said, I asked a friend of mine to post this chapter for me. SURPIRSE! (I know you're not surprised…Pity…) I hope my friend hasn't messed this up, he's never used FF before. (Love ya, honey!) I hope you enjoy this little drabble. I wrote it because this summer has been unusually hot in Finland. 37 Celsius for fuck's sake! We usually have 21! Winter people here, not used to hot! Besides, working in that weather was exhausting. Now that I think about it, why the hell do I wanna go to Cyprus in the first place…? _

_~Val_

_**Dear Val,**_

_**No, I didn't mess it up. I'm not completely useless with computers like a certain someone. I'm not going to say more because I'm a gentleman. Save some Greeks for me too, by the way! At least I want the juiciest bits when you come back! **_

_**Love ya, too, bitch!**_

_**Jake**_

_**P.S Readers, I apologize for our rambling. She can't shut up most of the time. Enjoy the story. Somehow she is able to pull these off…However, after reading this, I'm more convinced than ever that she needs this holiday… -.-'**_

Heat wave

"I don't like it when it's this hot! I'm fucking melting!"

"Oh poor you."

"Don't be such an ice prince Mr. Cool! It's annoying", Naraku spat, waving his Spanish fan rapidly.

"I'll try to control myself", Sesshoumaru said with faked obedience. He glanced at his roommate over the screen of his laptop with barely controlled amusement.

Naraku was half sitting half lying on their sofa, one leg on the floor and the other one oddly twisted on the couch. His left arm hung over the armrest and the right one worked the overly decorated Spanish fan. His long hair was in a messy bun on top of his head, he had thrown his shirt on the floor, and – Sesshoumaru couldn't understand why – his jeans were unbuttoned. The most amusing part of him, though, was his expression, which was that of complete and utter annoyance and discomfort, seasoned with a nice little pout.

Sesshoumaru chuckled despite himself.

"What's so funny?" Naraku snapped, pinning Sesshoumaru down with a burning glare.

"You are", the cool man answered, undisturbed by the other one's bad mood.

Naraku groaned. "It's too fucking hot! Whywhywhy can't it be winter?"

"That is the twenty-sixth time you say that today…" Sesshoumaru pointed out, most of his attention back to his laptop.

"You don't understand the seriousness of this!" Naraku growled and sat upright, all the while moving his fan.

"No, apparently I don't. What _is_ the matter with you? I know that it's unusually hot and you're stupidly sensitive to seasons but you've been acting like a pissy teenager for a while now. It's starting to tick me off, in all honesty."

Naraku's fan flipped shut with a snap and his eyes flashed. "Sweating, my dearest! _That_ is the problem! And let me tell you, my friend, it is a big one!" he exclaimed loudly, pointing the fan at Sesshoumaru, who glanced at Naraku with disinterest.

"Explain", he said flatly. He didn't really want to hear but he also knew that Naraku would never calm down unless he got it out of his system.

Naraku huffed and pushed some loose strands of hair off his face. They stuck to his damp forehead, making him frown in irritation. "It's impossible to _do_ anything like this! He whined and scratched his head in discomfort. "It almost makes me want to shave my head… I want to get rid of this hair."

That was when Sesshoumaru's head cleared and he stared at his roommate with wide and disbelieving eyes. "You wouldn't!" he gasped. It was totally utterly and completely out of character for Naraku to even kid about something like that. Long, black, wavy locks that – sure, he didn't take proper care of – were his trademark nonetheless. He was very protective of it.

"What are you gasping at? It's not that unusual to want to do it. Just snap snap snap and I could have sex again", Naraku said sounding irritated still. Then he sighed heavily. "This is getting ridiculous…" he wrapped one loose curl around his finger and tugged it, irritated that it refused to do what he wanted.

Sesshoumaru found himself to be confused and blinking stupidly. "Pray tell me, what one has got to do with the other?" he asked.

"Hmm? What?" Naraku muttered. He was so distracted by his growing irritation that he had already forgotten he was talking to Sesshoumaru. Well, not really forgotten, he just didn't exactly listen.

"What has having sex got to do with you cutting your hair? Sesshoumaru repeated with patience he wasn't sure he really had. Silently in his mind he cursed that he had to live with a man whose brain worked as organized as a typhoon.

"It's so hot that I don't feel like moving. I feel even less like _doing_ something. If I cut my hair I could at last go back to my favorite hobby and have sex. This stupid hair is so suffocatingly hot! And more importantly, I'm getting horny!" Naraku explained in a kind of voice one might talk to a five-year-old. Or, as Sesshoumaru thought, like he himself _was_ just a moody five-year-old.

Sesshoumaru quirked an eyebrow at him. "I don't have any problems with my hair", he said with a shrug. Then, just to piss off Naraku, he flipped his nicely combed hair over his shoulder and continued working.

"That's because your hair is _white_ for fuck's sake! Mine, if you haven't noticed, is black! Naraku growled through gritted teeth. Then he stood up, throwing his fan on the couch. "I'm so gonna get rid of this." He opened the bun and allowed his long hair fall down his back. "Jenny can cut it. She's a hair dresser."

Sesshoumaru stood up quickly, showing unusual agitation. "I won't let you do it!" he almost shouted. He rushed to Naraku, who was now staring at him with wide eyes.

"What the hell Ses? What's wrong with you?"

Sesshoumaru grabbed Naraku's shoulders and shook him. "I won't let you do it! Not in a million years!"

"Okay, okay, calm down! You're freaking me out with that out of character behavior. And stop shaking me, damn it!"

When Sesshoumaru finally stopped, they both had to take a few deep breaths to calm themselves.

Naraku eyed out his roommate suspiciously. "What do you care anyway? About what my hair looks like?"

Sesshoumaru sighed. "I won't let you do something you'll regret later, you incurable idiot!"

Naraku's eyes glistened with gratitude and something else as sugary. Sesshoumaru was pretty sure (no, he was absolutely certain) that it was all faked. "You're worried about me? Ooh, that's so nice!"

"Stop that at once, you disgust me. And just so you know, if this was just about you taking a bad haircut, I wouldn't bother stopping you. In fact, I would probably laugh my ass off at your stupidity. I won't, however, let you do something like this when you're in one of your 'moods'. That just means that you'll bitch about it later and I have to listen to your whining. No thank you. My mental health won't take it." Sesshoumaru's voice was cold and uncaring as he spoke.

"Wow, that was like throwing a bucket of cold water on me", Naraku grumbled and crossed his arms.

"Well, I'm glad you feel cooler", Sesshoumaru answered with a nod and walked back to his laptop.

Naraku pouted. "You're no fun…" he whined quietly and threw himself back on the couch. Why did Sesshoumaru always have to spoil everything? He didn't even let him scheme new plots to torture his English professor! So boring. What the hell was he supposed to do in that heat if he couldn't even scheme?

He picked up his fan again, and working it fiercely, tried his very best to think of new ways to amuse himself in that intolerable and unbearable heat wave.

Perhaps he could get Sesshoumaru drunk again.

Or perhaps the answer was in The Pineapple.


	15. It's Frozen!

It's frozen!

"Have you ever wondered what a frozen egg would look like?" Naraku asked from his roommate on one cold winter evening as he stared out of the window watching the falling snow.

Sesshoumaru sighed. He already knew what was coming.

A mess.

No matter what Naraku got into that silly head of his, it was always followed by a mess.

A mess that he needed to clean up.

Always.

"Can't say I have. Eggs don't hold that much interest to me…" he murmured, taking another piece of chocolate from the box.

Naraku turned around quickly. "How can you say that! It _is_ interesting. I can't believe I haven't thought of this before!"

Sesshoumaru rolled his eyes and put the movie on pause. He figured he wouldn't be able to watch it in peace until he dealt with Naraku's stupid ideas. Again. He sorta felt like cursing heavily.

And just like he had thought, Naraku was already moving full speed ahead. "You're the chemistry freak! What happens to an egg when it freezes?"

"Same thing that happens to pretty much everything that freezes. _It freezes_!"

"Yeah, but what does it look like?"

"The hell should I know! I don't make a habit of going around trying to freeze eggs."

"I wanna try!"

Sesshoumaru's mouth twisted. "But of course you do…"

"You should be more excited about this too!" Naraku exclaimed, already pouncing on his seat. "Take it as a chemistry experiment."

For a fleeting moment, Sesshoumaru tuned out Naraku's over excited voice and thought about the current problem. Actually, it wasn't the _worst_ idea Naraku – that fucking idiot – could've had. It was sort of interesting in a very strange and slightly disturbed way. Besides, freezing some measly eggs couldn't possibly be all that destructive or harming, right? Not compared to what he himself had managed to do to the kitchen when boiling them.

"Listen, Naraku, if you want to know what happens, don't just sit there babbling nonsense. Try. Make an experiment and freeze the damn thing. Now, let me watch this movie."

Sesshoumaru put the movie back on and leaned back on the couch with his chocolates, very successfully ignoring Naraku for the rest of the day.

He probably shouldn't have…

-:-0-:-0-:-0-:-

-:-0-:-0-:-0-:-0-:-

"I lost one."

"Huh?"

"I lost one of the eggs."

"That's nice."

"Sesshoumaru! Listen to me!"

"Yes… Sounds good."

"I'm gonna fuck you on our kitchen table."

"Tomorrow's not good."

Naraku picked up the closest book on the table next to him and dropped it right on top of Sesshoumaru's foot.

"Ouch! What did you do that for? Do you _want_ me to kill you?"

"Are you listening?"

"I suppose I have no choice now", Sesshoumaru grumbled and put his laptop away for a moment. "What is it?"

"I'm not really going to fuck you on the kitchen table."

"…good to know…?"

"Unless you want to, of course!" Naraku hurried to add.

"I can honestly say I don't."

"Okay then. I lost one of the eggs."

"I see."

"Have you seen it?"

"An egg?"

"Yes."

"Can't say I have."

"Damn it…"

"Naraku?"

"Yeah what?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Sesshoumaru spat out glaring at his roommate more than a little pissed off. His foot was hurting and his essay writing had been interrupted – again – because of some random nonsense his sleep deprived roommate had come up with – AGAIN!

"Ah, you don't remember…"

Sesshoumaru shook his head and pressed his lips very tightly together so he wouldn't say anything unnecessary.

"Well some time ago we talked about freezing eggs."

"Yes. The egg. What about it?"

"I froze three but I lost one. I was wondering if you've seen it."

"How can you lose an egg? Shouldn't it still be in the freezer? I haven't taken anything out of there because – as you should know best of all – I'm not allowed to touch anything in there. And you put a lock on it."

"Oh, I didn't put them in the freezer."

That was the exact moment when Sesshoumaru became genuinely interested in the matter, though not for the reasons Naraku would have appreciated.

"Naraku, be very clear now. _Where_ did you put them?"

"To the balcony."

"Why? Why would you do that?"

"Freezer seemed too boring."

"Of course it did… Oh wait… Does this mean that we have a lost egg somewhere in our balcony?"

"Finally you catch up! Yes! I don't know where it went… After that blizzard last weekend our balcony is so covered in snow that the eggs rolled here and there. One broke and one is lost. Thank god I managed to save that one at least."

Sesshoumaru's eyes widened. "There's a broken egg on our balcony?"

Naraku huffed and waved his hand dismissively. "Don't worry I cleaned it up already. I'm more worried about the other one."

"The smell, I can just imagine the smell! I have to bleach the whole place. It will be awful. The stain, the stain!" Sesshoumaru slumped in his chair.

"Don't panic. We'll find it when the snow melts." Naraku didn't seem all that concerned. "Just let me know if you locate it before that happens."

Sesshoumaru shot a mean glare at his roommate. "You're hopeless."

"Yeah… I know… I can't wait to see what it looks like when that last one freezes…"

And with that, Naraku left to get a drink, leaving Sesshoumaru alone, agonizing once again over eggs and his roommate.

-:-0-:-0-:-0-:-

"It's frozen, it's finally frozen!" Naraku shouted happily and pounced back in from the balcony, holding something in his hands like it was a precious treasure...or possibly a baby chick or a bee.

"Oh god, here we go again", Sesshoumaru groaned and put his book away. "What are you going to do to it now that it's done? And how do you even know it _is_ done?"

"My dearest, it has been minus 20 C out there for the past week. Of course it's done. Ooh this is so exciting! I wonder what it looks like!" He pounced right into the kitchen, humming as he went.

Sesshoumaru had to admit that he was becoming slightly curious. Just a little bit. He got up from the sofa and followed Naraku into the kitchen. He figured there wouldn't be any harm in that. He was a chemist after all and stuff like this intrigued him.

When Naraku saw him walk to the kitchen his eyes narrowed. "Don't touch anything."

Sesshoumaru shot him a glare. "Isn't that joke getting a bit old already?"

"It ain't a joke, sweetheart. Now don't disturb me. I need to concentrate."

Sesshoumaru watched over Naraku's shoulder as the man took a sharp knife and dipped it into boiling water. (He had a kettle of boiling water on the stove.) Then he very carefully started to peel the shell off the frozen egg.

Sesshoumaru had to admit that it was somewhat amusing.

"You're taking forever with it", he said after a while.

Naraku huffed. "I need to be careful. I don't want it to break!"

"Uh-huh."

Then, slowly but surely, the frozen egg hatched from its shell and mesmerized them. Well, it mesmerized Naraku. Sesshoumaru said : "Huh."

"That looks soooo strange", Naraku breathed out as he turned the frozen thing in his hand. It did look strange. The whole thing was pale yellow as the bright yellow of the yolk shined through the translucent egg white.

"I have to admit, there is something eerie about it."

"I know, right!"

"You don't need to be that excited though", Sesshoumaru added and continued to stare at the egg. "What are you going to do with it now?"

Naraku thought about it for a second. He hadn't really gotten this far with his thoughts yet. He'd been pretty sure he wouldn't even be able to peel it. He most certainly wasn't just going to throw it away. Then he noticed the boiling water in the kettle.

"I'm going to boil it", he stated and without ceremonies dropped it in the water.

Now, Sesshoumaru could have told him something about what happens when you drop something really cold into something really hot, especially when the objects consistency isn't exactly solid to begin with, but it is doubtful that Naraku would have listened either way.

It wasn't like doing poached eggs.

Nothing like that at all.

First of all, the thing cracked. Water spilled over. Then it started to peel itself. Yes, that's exactly what it looked like. Layer by layer the egg started to cook making the water disgustingly gray and lumpy, until a yellowish-grey egg yolk popped to the surface like a discarded eyeball from a horror movie. But the worst thing was the smell.

"Are you sure you used a fresh one?" Sesshoumaru asked, holding his nose. Both their eyes were fixed on the kettle, examining the horror before them. Lumpy, grey, boiling mess with an eyeball.

"Of course I'm sure!" Naraku snapped, almost hurt that someone suggested he might have spoiled goods in his kitchen.

"Then it must be _the weeks it spent on our balcony_!" Sesshoumaru now growled and marched out of the kitchen to open all the windows and the balcony door.

"Hmm… yeah…I suppose it would go bad…" Naraku pondered as he put a lid on the now ruined kettle. "You have to admit it was fun to watch, though", he then grinned at his roommate who tried to open the kitchen window while holding his nose.

Sesshoumaru glared over his shoulder but then flashed a quick grin. "Yeah it was a bit fun. And I'm going to give you so much crap about the fact that this time it was _you_ who caused a horrible smell in the kitchen and _you_ who ruined cooking equipment."

Naraku's face fell a little. "You are, aren't you…?"

"You bet. Now get that horrid thing out of here and get rid of it. I don't care how you do it, just do it."

-:-0-:-0-:-0-:-

-:-0-:-0-:-0-:-

Spring came, and with it, spring cleaning. Naraku hated it, Sesshoumaru loved it. He always saved the balcony last. That way the last thing he did was to put the furniture out there and that way welcome the summer. Well, actually he did it that way because they would have been in the way when he aired out mattresses, carpets and such, but the other version sounded better, so he used that one.

This time he was in for a surprise, though. Naraku had hidden something in the farthest corner and that something was so horrible that he actually felt a little faint. That lasted for a second. Then he was _furious_. The kind of furious that placed a serene smile on his face.

He went inside and walked straight into Naraku's room. The man was sleeping even though it was afternoon. He'd been pulling all-nighters because of some project he was working on. Sesshoumaru didn't care. Naraku soon woke up as he felt a chilling sensation going up and down his spine.

He opened his tired eyes and saw Sesshoumaru's smiling face. The sight was so completely terrifying that he tried to bury himself deeper under the covers. He was wide awake now.

"I saw it", Sesshoumaru's deceivingly even voice whispered. "On the balcony, I saw it."

Naraku let out a little squeal.

"This isn't over", Sesshoumaru hissed (still smiling) turned around and marched away.

Naraku pulled the covers over his head and let out a deep sigh. He should have known this was going to come back and bite him in the ass. He just kind of wished the problem would have gone away on its own. Life sucks.

And so, as the new battle between roommates was beginning, a microbiological organism was developing new life and drawing power from the warming sun in a hidden corner on a certain balcony, around a broken egg and a kettle with a surprise inside.

-:-0-:0-:-0-:-0-:-

_A/N: I only have one thing to say. This actually happened. My roommate cleaned the kettle though but otherwise, the egg, the balcony...yeah. It happened. My poor nose still isn't the same..._

_I'm trying to avoid studying and wanted to cheer myself up with something fun and so this story was born. Hope you enjoyed!_

_Love, Val_


	16. The Hiccup Song

The Hiccup Song

"Naraku! I need your help!" Sesshoumaru shouted as he rushed through the door into their apartment.

"Well, well, well… Those are words I don't hear very often. Especially from your mouth", Naraku said calmly, walking out of the kitchen. He was wiping his wet hands to a towel. The smell coming from the kitchen told Sesshoumaru that he was cooking something. Something that made him suddenly realise how hungry he was.

"I made you pizza for tomorrow. I'm gone for a few days remember?" Naraku explained the smell after seeing the silent question on his roommate's face.

Sesshoumaru shook his head rabidly to get himself back on track. This was no time to think about food! "Yeah, thanks but whatever", he said hurriedly. "Just listen to me -hic- for a second -hic- okay -hic-? I've had this horrible -hic- hiccup since this -hic- morning and I can't -hic- get rid of it!"

Sesshoumaru's utterly pained expression brought a wide smirk on Naraku's face. "Ah, I see. Awkward, I'm sure, but what's that got to do with me?"

"I've tried -hic- everything I know! I -hic- can't get it -hic- to stop! You-hic- have to -hic- help me! I'm -hic- losing my -hic- mind -hic- _ohforfuck'ssake_!" he pleaded and cursed with a desperate voice.

Well, Naraku sure liked that, so he decided to play along. Seemed like fun. Cornered Sesshoumaru was a rare treat and it needed to be enjoyed. "Okay, okay, have you tried drinking some water?"

"Of course! HIC. Do you -hic- take me for a -hic- fool?" Sesshoumaru snapped angrily.

Naraku's lips curled. "Oh, I could never think you were a fool, now could I? I just meant that have you tried to drink a glass of water from the opposite side of the glass?"

"Huh?"

"That means no. Let's try."

Naraku went back to the kitchen (automatically blocking his roommate from entering) and returned with a glass of water. He gave it to Sesshoumaru and said with an encouraging smile: "Here you go. Bottoms up! And remember, from the opposite side of the rim."

Sesshoumaru tried his very best, he really did. Nevertheless, drinking from a glass like that is nearly impossible (I dare you to try), so needless to say that instead of Sesshoumaru's mouth, the water was all over his chest. Naraku's uncontrollable laughter only managed to piss him off even more.

"You knew -hic- that wouldn't -hic- work!" he accused, eyes flashing dangerously, clutching his wet shirt.

"Well duh!" Naraku laughed. When he saw Sesshoumaru's icy glare he fought to get back some self control. "Sorry, sorry. You were just so serious that I had to! I'll be good now I promise."

"You better -hic- be!"

Naraku stifled another fit of laughter. Those hiccups really took the edge off from Sesshoumaru's threats. "So what exactly have you tried already?"

"Everything! -hic- You know, -hic- all those -hic- tricks that Inuyasha's -hic- mother has…"

"Why don't you just call her 'stepmother'?"

"That's not -hic- the issue right -hic- now, Naraku…" Sesshoumaru sighed. Sometimes it was so hard to talk to a man whose uncoordinated mind changed topics in a hairs breath.

"Oh, right. We'll get back to that later", Naraku promised, failing to see the grimace on Sesshoumaru's face. "So did you even try standing on your head?"

"Yeah." Sesshoumaru sounded defeated.

"Where?" he asked amazed. There's no way Sesshoumaru would have let anyone see him doing something like that.

"In -hic- the bathroom."

"Ew..."

"Tell me -hic- about it. Remind me to -hic-take a shower later. Unfortunately -hic- it was the only empty -hic- space I could find at -hic- the time."

"Got to hand it to ya, you do try…"

"Naraku!" Sesshoumaru groaned. "What do I do? -hic-"

"Depends. What do I get in return for helping you?"

"Are you -hic- serious?" The amber eyes narrowed and sent daggers through the air.

"Of course I am. I'll help you, if you in return promise me something."

"Fine! -hic- What do you want? -hic-"

"I want us to repeat the thing that happened that night", he answered, suddenly deadly serious.

"What are you -hic- talking about?"

Naraku let out a deep sigh. "I'm talking about the time when you got drunk and we had sex, my dearest", he explained, sounding like he was teaching a kid how to spell.

Sesshoumaru stood in the hallway totally frozen still, eyes wide and completely horrified as the words sunk in.

"YOU SAID WE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING YOU DISGUSTING SON OF A BITCH!" he exploded after a moment. This continued for some time as Sesshoumaru tried to find every insult, curse and threat that was in his vocabulary and threw them all at his roommate like a verbal tsunami.

Naraku held his ground, a small smile playing about his lips as he waited the worst of Sesshoumaru's rage to settle. After all, this wasn't exactly the first time he was at the receiving end of Sesshoumaru's wrath. He was thankful, though, that it didn't get physical this time around. Apparently the man's instincts thought it best to keep a safe distance between them. How fun.

Finally the scared white haired man huffed and puffed exhausted, unable to come up with anything new to throw at him.

"Done already?" Naraku asked surprisingly calmly.

"Not even close. Just give me a minute."

"How's the hiccup?"

"What are you -?" he stopped to wait for awhile. It was gone. "Oh… I hate you."

"You're welcome", Naraku nodded, flipping his hair over his shoulder. "I'm awesome."

Sesshoumaru kept glaring at him. "I'm having serious doubts about that…"

Naraku looked exceptionally smug. "Scared you, didn't I?"

The other man had had enough for one day. "Couldn't you just say 'BOOO!' like a normal person? You always have to resort to such outrageous lies! It's infuriating! And that pizza you made is better be good!" He stormed off to his own room, slamming the door behind him.

Naraku stared after him, pouting his lips a little. "Who said anything about lying…?" Then he laughed again and went back to the kitchen. He figured he might need another pizza to buy his way out of this one.

-:-0-:-0-:-0-:-

-:-0-:-0-:-0-:-

_A/N: So pointless... Sigh. Just wanted to give you a reminder of *that night*. This story won't go further than this kind of suggestive remarks from Naraku, 'cause I like their dynamic in this story as it is. HOWEVER I'm a dirty minded sort of person which is why I've written a oneshot that has these two trying to get it on after *the incident*. I'm posting it as a separate story. It's called **Pudding for Two**, so if you're rooting for these two, go check it out. I'll try to post it for tomorrow, spelling check is taking time and Naraku is still sounding whiny so that still needs to be dealt with. See you soon!_

_Love, Val _


End file.
